The Art of Giving

Emerson said
"Rings and jewels are not gifts,
but apologies for gifts.
The only true gift is a portion of thyself."

Providing for people in need is a way of giving thanks for what we have been given. It's like silently saying,God has blessed me and he has asked me to share that with you. If we are generous,God will return the favor. When we sow, we scatter God's blessings for growth.

When we reap,we harvest those blessings. Reaping and sowing are a unified,continuous process that requires a diligent and on going obedience to God. When you are obedient and share what you have with others, you will be provided with all you need, every time you need it. When you give cheerfully and unselfishly,you are demonstrating your faith. And the hearts of those you touch, even with the smallest kind of gestures, in turn you will be blessed as they give thanks to God for your kindness and obedience.

When we don't spend, how can you ever receive? Is like holding something in your palm and folding your palm,how can anything else come in into your palm? When you don't open the palm? But note, the art of giving goes beyond monetary values. The art of giving start from the art of kindness,love,compassion etc even to respecting people. You can never be respected if you don't exude that yourself. Likewise
Just think about it.



The Art of Giving
From The Art Of Living By Wilferd A. Peterson

We give of ourselves when
we give gifts of the heart:
love, kindness, joy, understanding,
sympathy, tolerance, forgiveness.

We give of ourselves when
we give gifts of the mind:
ideas, dreams, purposes, ideals,
principles, plans, inventions, projects, poetry.

We give of ourselves when
we give gifts of the spirit:
prayer, vision, beauty, aspiration,
peace, faith.

We give of ourselves when
we give the gift of words:
encouragement, inspiration, guidance.

Ps: Make sure you give out something today.
Cheers and lots of love
Written By Unknown On Wednesday, November 11, 2009 0 Browser(s)
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7 Tips to Maintaining A New Relationship

By Spicytee Taiwo Orimadegun

Starting a new relationship make you feel new, happy, tense and optimistic all together. We are haunted by fear and insecurity if is ever going to work our or if we are good enough. Sometimes we let our imperfections get in the way. We ask ourselves myriads of questions. Is he going to like my bulging stomach, when I'm naked or complains that I snore or eat too much. But who says your new boyfriend doesn't have his own?

New relationship actually involves more than the uproar of yes I've got her now. I found him at last. It entails some things that we often neglect. Here are some tips to help you on a level footing in your new relationship.

1. Be friends first and Spend time together.

Friendship is a good thing to build a relationship on, once you have a good foundation, you build on it. New relationship need time to grow. You need to spend time together to analyze yourself and determine if truly you want to be together. Sometimes we need to know where the relationship is heading, but just spending quality time together.

2. Be sure to have good communication.

For a relationship to survive it must have a solid foundation and how do we achieve that. Communication? Tell them things about you; reveal new things about you that you know your partner will love as you get along. This way gets to know and understand each other.

3. Be comfortable and natural with you.

Don't try to be what you are not, don’t pretend to be nicer, and don’t pretend to like things he /she like. Don’t encourage tag-along. You should do things together that are both pleasing to both parties, not forcing them to like what you enjoy. Do have your own opinion about things when you want. Also don't spend too much money or be too critical. Just be you. Let your partner see the real you. And a candid advice to the ladies- Well make ups is nice but don't let tones of make up define who you are. try being natural once in a while. Your guy will not only see a new side of you, he will love you for just being you.

3. Carry on with your Life.

Meeting someone new does not necessarily say, you should not continue being yourself. Many of us are guilty of this. When we find new love, we neglect our friends, family, just because we want to spend quality time with our partner. And this is bad. For your relationship to survive you have to balance everything. Continue doing what you do before she or he tagged along. You need to show him/her that you are independent and remember you must be happy with yourself first, be confident.

4. Bring up issues you don't like.

Believe me, most of the things that often lead to break ups or arguments are things we have seen in the early stage of the relationship but we seldom raise because we are afraid to tell our partner or you consider them trivial. However these patterns build up over the time. So I advice you say your mind because if it happens repeatedly and you continue to keep mute, he/she will continue the behavioural pattern... But you can change it now, just be courteous and gentle in the manner you bring it out.

5. Respect

Respect each other’s time and privacy. Give him your attention, give him air to breath. But maintain your cool and don't be too clingy. Don't be overtly jealous. Is sometimes a turn off. If begin to get unnecessarily possessive, that's a relationship killer. Find things to occupy your mind and take things easy. Simply give your relationship the proper space it needs to grow.

6. Share Same Interest.

And having similar goals and dreams will also help you guys to grow. Be genuinely curious about what make your partner tick and happy and tap into whatever makes you complete with him. This will not alone help in cementing your relationship. It bring you closer to each other.

7. Be adventurous.

Variety does not mean another guy or girl. Have fun with each other while you are still dating and more when you take it further with romance and making love. Tell your partner what you like sexually. Be direct, yet gentle. It helps both of you to understand how your body works and what makes you happy and satisfy.I hope you find this helpful. Till next time. Keep smiling and loving.
Written By Unknown On Monday, October 12, 2009 4 Browser(s)
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It's time to get your bling on...

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Excuse while 'eye' bling...
Bling is a new age name given to 'big' fashionable sparkles. It originally referred to Diamonds and Diamond encrusted fashion items. Over the years, bling has been accepted as standard nomenclature for accessories made from other precious stones, including Sapphires, Rubies, Swarosvski Crystals and more.



Hip hop influenced the Bling craze heavily when rappers, who, upon gaining celebrity status, displayed their fashion tastes, style sense and success with heavy gold chains/medallions and diamond encrusted jewelry. Though they put bling to some creative use, some of what they do with it border on the outrageous; I do not think I would want to wear jewelry on my teeth.

Bling has found it's way into student's list of fashion items. These days, "you ain't got style if you don't wear bling." They rock it as earrings, bracelets, hair accessories, neck-chains, pendants, belts, rings, watches big enough to be wall clocks, etc. Bling is so much desired that some spend all their pocket money to get it. Those who can't afford the real thing make do with some very cheap and low grade jewelry just to 'get their shine on.'

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Phone and Footwear bling by If-Raim


The Bling-Bling revolution has tremendously changed our fashion sense while influencing our street style too. The bling craze has become a hot fashion trend and people have been absolutely taken by the whole trend that they use it anywhere and everywhere. Bling has come to signify uniqueness in style and individual expression. Bling provide a modern and funky look. Anyway you look at it, its your style.

*'if-Raim' is a London based Fashion company with it's own fashion brands. The company also runs it's own fashion consulting firm that deals in Personal styling and Personal shopping services. Most related to the topic of Bling is a service rendered which is a range of Customized Fashion brand ranging from Jewelry, to Clothing, Footwear to Accessories all beautifully and creatively encrusted with Swarovski Crystals. The good news is if-R-aim is coming to your's truly "Nigeria" this very year! So for all the bling loving fashionistas out there, WATCH THIS SPACE!
Written By Unknown On Thursday, October 08, 2009 0 Browser(s)

11 Reasons He Dumped You



I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following as the most common breakup reasons:

* He changed
* We weren't compatible
* He cheated on me

When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "no" with "because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming. So, here are mine:

I Got Bored: I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is (Wikipedia):

"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."

My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.

One of Us Was Too Serious: This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her once a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.

Burnout: I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: Being exclusive, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Ok, we did it...so now what?"

I Was Tempted To Cheat: I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.

All My Friends Broke Up With Their Girlfriends: This is by far the most immature reason on this list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching "The Devil Wears Prada," my newly single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.

Divergent Lives: If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.

Feeling Selfish: Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and yourself up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.

I "Misread" My Feelings: This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake—you get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason, dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.

My Friends Or Family Didn't Like Her: I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.

I Took Her For Granted: Great relationships should be easy, but there has to be some tension too—especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.

She Was Too Negative: All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?

What reasons have guys used to break up with you, and which make you most angry? What reasons have caused you to break up with guys? Which reasons do you think are the most common cause of breakups- do they differ for guys and women?

PS: I saw this on Shine.Yahoo By Rich Santos and Marie Claire.

PSS: Image by http://carnivalofidiots.blogspot.com


This is a good read. Let me know what you guys think?

Written By Unknown On Wednesday, October 07, 2009 2 Browser(s)
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Female Abuser

He is a great provider, he makes sure you don't lack anything, he is great in bed and the kind of man you love. But he is abusive towards female.. Will u go ahead and still married him..
Written By Unknown On Saturday, October 03, 2009 6 Browser(s)
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Friends Are Important,What Kind of Friends Do You Have?


I've learned that all a person has in life is family and friends. If you lose those, you have nothing, so friends are to be treasured more than anything else in the world. -- Trey Parker and Matt Stone.


I was on my sick bed when the news got to me that their is a new comer in our class who is so arrogant ,proud and very pretty and everyone is planning a showdown for her. I took is all in as if I wasn't listening. I got well soon and I resumed back to classes and that’s when I saw her. She was tall and has a thin body that tapered down to straight long legs as well as a long jet black hair, what made me jealous about her was a moist eyes. I watched as she answered marathon of questions from Mr. Olatunji, our class teacher. Isn't she beautiful?. I muttered inwardly. She was very smart too and she hardly look like a new comer at all. She was very free.

The second day, she came up to me and asked if I was a newcomer. And I told her I was not and I asked why she want to know. She told me because she has been in the school for almost two weeks and has never seen me before, plus I was quite. Yes I was a quite girl. I don't talk in class, don't answer question except our class teacher call out my name. And whenever the bell rang for any of the breaks or back to my hostel. I just walked diligently. My hostel mates are so mean that I hardly cross their path. So I keep to myself all the time always and the junior ones look at me with inferior eyes because I was so gentle in fact very frail that when I asked them to do something for me is either with a tip or when I threatened to repost them to the house mistress where as my class mates would only call once and they will come running helter-skelter.

Days passed by and we became friends. I mean the newcomer and I. her name is Rakiyat, our friendship was so strong that my hostels mates became jealous and they started harassing me because I make friend with an enemy they loathed so much. But I was past caring. I ventured ahead with my friendship with her. And she helped me in a great way to overcome my fears.

Rakiyat was a nice girl, we became best of friends, we were like a unit, stronger, wittier and more attractively combined. We study together, play together, eat together etc. But after three years, we parted amidst tears.

On looking back on my life and what our friendship has impacted in me. I realized a lot of what she has instilled in me. Rakiyat thought me how to stand for myself, she counter my shyness and broke me out of my confining nature. I learn how to trust myself and whatever change am going through. And those time whenever I told her that someone is bullying me, harassing me or anything of the sort, she will take me to the person and made me fight my own battle. She taught me to be one step ahead and never to rely on anyone and urge me to handle my own problems in life with certain maturity. she made me a good student who stood up in class and answer questions in the class even if she stand to be corrected. She also thought me how to challenge myself as life is a learning curve.

Many years have passed; we exchanged gifts, letters and pictures. She sent hers too but thanks to Nipost, I never receive hers. And every now and then when I think of her, I tried to imagine what she's look like now. But all I have at my disposal is that jet black hair, long legs, moist eyes and I wonder would they still be the same? And I remembered her tear stained face as we parted 15 years ago.

I believed friends enclose us like a pair of parenthesis, each one of them knows us differently, each sustain us in a different ways. I am who I am because my friendship keep on growing and I pick my friend because of things we can share together. Values we can add to one anothers and not because of who they are. Though that's important too.

Why is it that we need friendship? To me friends are rare jewels, they make you smile and encourage you to succeed, they inspire you, lend a listening ear, they offers their shudders in time of need, they open their hearts willingly and selflessly. Though we have fair weather friends too, they are only there when things are rosy, immedietaly things are bad, they are no where to be found.
Here is to the nights that turned into mornings and the friends that turned into family. What kind of friends do you have?


PS: This is an old note that I published in a magazine wayback..Just love to share it here. I have since made contact with her and weive hooked up like twice. Anyway to all my friends, I love you all. You've all been great part of my life in your own unique ways.

Pss: I have a new phot blog; http://spicyinc.blogspot.com/ Check it out and let me know what you feel, comments, criticism and ideas are welcome. Thanks
Written By Unknown On Tuesday, September 22, 2009 10 Browser(s)

Whats Wrong in Being Single-Ish???

No doubt, being in a loving relationship has its own mutual benefits. Someone there for you at all times, talk to you, laugh with you, feel their warmth at night, makes you feel loved, especially paying you attention , satisfies your sexual desires and compliments you in every way possible.

People always tend to think that being in a relationship make you feel normal. In fact society expects everyone to be in a relationship, and probably get married (before the age of 30) people still ask why you are still single? at a certain age. They portray it
as not been "normal.” But to each his or her own, being single does not mean one is lonely. It is by choice and circumstance in most cases. It’s either a state where we hope to meet the right person or just decide to be alone when the right person does not come alone. Some of us confuse loneliness with the act of being single. They are quite different. Loneliness can be depressing and painful, but being single can also is pleasant.

Although being single can be frustrating, most of the time, you sit down and wallow in self pity and ask yourself questions that you don't readily have answers to. Why me? Is there something about me? Who is really the perfect match for me? Will I ever get married? Where did I go wrong? Sometimes we even chastise ourselves. Have I missed my best opportunity with the last person that doesn't work out? Maybe I 'm too choosy. Maybe I have very high expectations.

Majority of us hate being single because a lot of things remind us how bad being single is. We always have our hopes high every year that it will be different. There is a lot of discrimination against single people everywhere. At the restaurant, hotels and especially at work, the singles are the most used employees. Married employees always have the reason to get away from work. (I've got to pick my wife at the airport, my wife is ill, my child's graduating tomorrow.

You don't even get to see your parents or spend special times with them. And to cap it all, every single move or conversation by a single person will raise eyebrows and everyone will be quick to remind you of
the fact that John is married and Vivian is engaged. Ade has two kids" just as soon they hear you talking to a married person.
The absolute truth is that you can never make a success of any relationship without being single for sometime. Being single allows us to have fun with ourselves and taking full responsibility of our actions, and motivating ourselves. It make us understand who we are, what we want, what we do, what and who we love and our expectations from the next relationship we hope to get into.

It empowers our minds, give a thought about our wants and grieve over past relationships gone sour. Being single allow us to be comfortable and being on our own for a while. Likewise, being single forces you to do things for yourself. There are many things you can enjoy while being single. Make new friends; go on dates, parties, travel and generally having a good time as best as you can. There are times too that you are in a relationship that you wish you are single too especially when you are in a bad relationship or marriage. When single, you can go out on dates with your girlfriend or boyfriends and have fun without worrying about a jealous lover. You can watch movies till late in the night, hang out with your girlfriend’s even wink to a guy of your fancy in the bar and you have no one to chastise you.

Nevertheless whatever reasons that is making you stay single, enjoy it and always remember that is better being alone than being in bad relationship.

PS: Adapted from my write-up for Lechic Fashion & Lifestyle Magazine
http://www.lechics.com/dating/dating.php
http://lechics.com/
Written By Unknown On Friday, September 11, 2009 5 Browser(s)
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Women-Battery..What do you have to say???

Marriage/relationship is not intended to be a prison but a base, a safe haven for commitment, contentment, consolation, and tranquility. If it turns out to be an arena for discontentment, abuse, strife, battery or depression then it is failing to fulfill its proper purpose.

The phenomenon of women-batter is an abuse of men who beat their women only because they are either drunk, brutal by nature or just in a bad temper.

Men who behave like tyrants in the home; who assert his rule in an arbitrary or violent manner, are usually the weak ones who are actually suffering from hidden inferiority complex and are afraid of being shown up a mentally or morally inferior to their wife and at times insecurity could lead to it too.

A man does not need to assert himself over his woman or be on the defensive against her to correct a wrong or mistake she might have made.

But men believe they could hold the right and obligation that is woman is created at their mercy and should be contented with whatever treatment they metes out to them as their whims and fancy dictates.

Think about it, this thing start from when they are young, they first start by slapping their girlfriend, pushing her around, then they hit you really bad. Yes we still love them. Sometimes is bad enough that you can't even leave them,walk away without them getting more brutal with you.

I have left a guy before because of this. And when he came calling to beg me. The feelings of what he has done to me before won't let me take me back. I remember the way he beat locked the door on me,beat me with a belt and pet me afterward and the aggressiveness began. The thought can never get out of my mind till today after five years. And this was because he was just insecure,he was afraid of losing me and only want to prove a point to me which was on the reverse case for me. But I digress,another topic,another day, in fact I'm writing a book on that.

Anyway, I believe their ways you can talk to your woman without getting violence. Though I know some men still knows how to get at their woman without beating her up, shouting on her or anything of that sort. But whatever men derives in beating women up,, I'm sure the end is not yet in sight for them. But the choice is for every woman to stand up and say NO to this abuse today.


PS: Thank you guys for your advice on my last post. You are all too gbasky...
I didn't do anything after all.. I didn't reply the babe nor discuss with the guy.
I will just left it slide. But I will never touch the guy with along pole. I don't want no drama abegi.. Love you all.
Written By Unknown On Friday, September 04, 2009 6 Browser(s)
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Advice.. I don't know what to call this? But What should I do?

Hey folks,

I need your advice on this. I met this guy on Facebook over a year ago but recently we've been chatting on the phone and communicating more. He will like to date me,but we are really waiting to meet first.Which is as soon as he can make it to Lagos to seem.So we can talk and see how it goes. And to my amazement I receive this mail today.Please advice,What should I do? Tell the guy? Reply the babe? What?


Hello Spicy,

How are you doing? i am forced to write you this mail-even against my own best judgment but then, who knows, this stitch in time might save nine............i am Dele Cokers's girlfriend/fiancee/wife....I am from kwara state too so i can say i am doing my sister a favor by writing this long epistle.i'll try not to bore you.

Girlfriend..

Dele and i met in school, university of ilorin exactly, nothing much went on during the school days, we were just casual acquaintances, he was very close friends with a good friend of mine back then,and gradually we saw more and more often as this mutual friend's-who's also from kwara state! eventually school came to an end and Dele and i began dating during my service year,that was 5 years ago.
Those fun days! i''ll sneak from asaba to come visit him in abuja, stay a while then sneak back to service.He finished a year before me, so he was already in abuja trying to get started in life. Things finally got rosy and he landed a good contract,money started flowing and future looked bright enough! I finished service,moved back home to ilorin and started job hunting.......by this time, we were already ''swimming in love'', he would leave abj and come spend weekeends in ilorin with me.My parents had began to take notice of him too and my joy knew no bounds....i was in love, he was doing well and my family approved. Eventually i told my parents i'll like to move out of ilorin so i cld get better opportunities with the job hunt, and with this excuse i relocated to abj to be closer to my love!


Abuja.........

Abuja i came,money was really flowing then and he got me a place,while he stayed at his brothers'. I must say it took my coming to abj to see more clearly.........Dele was quite different here, he was always away on site most of the time, fine the man had to work to make the money and i had no issues with that,but the lifestyle that came with the money??? that was something esle!
He had numerous friends,most of who came for the money and of course influenced him wrongly...then the girls! i lost count of the number of girls he cheated on me with,every month it was a new girl and at times he'd go as low as prostitutes. i was shocked, the man i knew was gone and i could not even see in him again the islam he was profesing so much back then which was one of the reasons i dated him( i dated a xtian in skool and i was so eager to get a muslim boyfriend i could eventually marry).

We began to fight so much because i couldn't stand the lifestyle he was living all because he had money now.....i would talk and nag and nag just to make him see the uselessness of the life he was living, he will come to his senses for a week at most......the friends will come and lure him back to the life...and the girls! he eventually stopped bothering to listen to me and lived life just the way he wanted and deemed fit..who was i anyway??? i was still jobless and financially dependent on him so i could nag all i wanted, he had the money and life was good..........with enough sycophant friends and girls around to live the good life with him. i didn't stop trying to get him back to his senses and that was when the real trouble started.

The first time he hit me...we had our usual quarrel..cheating on me,spending money anyhow...he asked if it was my father that gave him the money i was so concerned abt,,and wat rite i had to question him since i wasn't his wife yet.....a quarrel started as usual but this time it was with a added slap,kicks,and terrible blows,it was so terrible and i could barely move after.........he beat me so bad i had to scream for help.......neighbors came to my rescue, i called my family, told them what happened, two days after i packed my stuff and left for ilorin with my bruises.


Fiancee..........
My journey home was sad and i cried a lot,i was so full of shame and my folks wasted no time in telling me-we told you so!- they thought twice about me leaving for abuja then but i wouldn't listen, i was blinded by love and that same love had sent me back home in shame with bruises and a swollen rib. i was taken to the hospital for treatment and i got better with time. a week later, Dele showed up in ilorin, with my cousin that he'd been friends with in unilorin.his mission? to beg and reconcile!
He begged and begged, saying he didn't know what possessed him he was sorry and he wanted me back,he promised my folks it will never happen again.My mind was made up, i cldn't think of going back to him,how could he claim to love me and beat me up so bad? i told him no.he insisted to my folks that he was serious about me,they advised him he should get his folks to come and we do a proper thing. my dad then pleaded with me on his behalf ,that i should forgive him as no one was above mistakes.

We went to ogbomosho to meet his folks,a date was set for the introduction,then we left back for abj..all made up!!!

Introduction came and went in 2006.........a wedding date was to be announced later.

Back at Abuja.....things were all lovey and dovey for a while and then we went back to normal.......cheating on me and the beatings continued growing worse each time......a slight quarrel and the blows will start.we had began living together now in readiness for the '' wedding date'' and there were times we'll not speak for days and days when he'll not come back home for weeks.....and of course, the money flow was starting to slow down now....and eventually cash became so tight.

2007 came and still no wedding date; i was starting to worry and people began to ask, what is the delay? and God bless me if i tried to raise the issue with him, anytime i talked about when will it be, a fight was certain to happen and another beating will result. I started to be afraid of him and i just kept on lying to folks that we were making plans!

Friends weddings came and gone,and still we had no wedding date, all excuses were given of course-he was waiting for money,his brother was going into politics and he'd not want political rivals to come disrupt the wedding!(ridiculous right?),i was trying to force him to marry, he wanted to wait a while for business to get better.......so i let it rest and continued to endure the fights,the beatings and the no wedding date.

Of course,i considered my options and alternatives,other men were coming but i couldn't leave him, i felt the introduction meant something,a commitment i was supposed to honor. so wait to honor the commitment i did.

He continued his occasional side kicks...cheating here and there and so many more excuses why he couldn't put a ring on it with me!

Eventually, we agreed for Dec 2007,to go home and put final touches, the parents were informed and when december came,after a minor quarrel Dele walked out and left the house for weeks..i had no idea where he'd gone or if he'll make it back in time for the planned trip.he never did.i went through physiological torture, was he safe?what will i tell people at home? he was not picking my calls either..i begged via sms but he never showed up.

I went home alone,informed them to halt wedding plans as the groom had dissappeared!

The shame was enormous, i wished the ground would open and swallow me, aso-ebi samples were already picked, families and friends already in the know and e ku ipalemo(Preparation) greetings was in order! i could not bear it, i stayed indoors throughout,hoping against hope that he would somehow come back from wherever he'd gone,at least to save me from the disgrace.

After like a month or so,it dawned on me, that he's not showing up,so amidst tears i left home to come back to abj,to come face reality of what had just happened to me.

I moved out of his place and rented a place of my own, to start life again as it was then clear, the man am waiting on had no plans and the trauma of been abandoned almost at the altar was too much, i decided to move on with my life as i hadn't seen or heard from him till then.

And then he came back,almost two months after...........the begging and crying was unlimited,how sorry he was, he didn't know what came over him, he couldn't explain it himself, he loved me and wanted to marry me! i called home and informed my parents on the resurfacing of the groom! they told me their minds.....his attitude was questionable and not very encouraging, i was advised to just make a fresh start in order to avoid another disappointment from him as they were no longer in support. i told him this so he could see he was already too late. he went to ilorin again to meet my folks and they told him the ball was in my court.

I tried moving on,tried seeing other men,we were living apart now but still it wasn't so easy for me,my heart was still with him even after all he'd done.And he knew how to lay it on, begging, crying and making promises upon promises. i still stood my ground,but like they say......love is a disease......sure enough my disease came back and i began to give in.

Little by little,we became an item again and i foolishly open up the doors to my heart again,of course my parents disapproved and i fought them all cos of him, he had changed,he was serious about marrying me, they could go to hell if they won't support me....i said all that and more...so i was his fiancee again!



Wife.......

We'd agreed to go it alone without the parents' support now ,we had decided to do a registry and inform the folks after. this we did-June 16 2009- so you can imagine my shock when i read his chat with you that he was not seeing anyone at the moment??? the sex ''with an old favor'' wasn't even as shocking.........i'd suspected he was straying again, we still stay apart as husband and wife(strictly his choice)........am still burning down under after the last time we were together, checked it out and doc confirmed it was an STD, he's the only one am 'doing' so i guessed the obvious! dinner dates with old favors,a sexy romp after that, stupid, trusting wifey opens up for him after that and .......the rest is history!

Anyways, registry done, we'd plan to inform the parents so we could arrange for a nikkai, i did this and my folks were all for it saying if i knew it was him that will make me happy...they were waiting for us to come the needful........And that's where we are again, the lover man has been postponing and procrastinating AGAIN ever since then! how some things never change.

5 years with a man and yet you never get to know him!


So why am i really writing all this? to a complete stranger? to be honest,i never thought i could but then i thought why not? a stitch in time could save nine......if i'd been warned by someone of the nature of this man...i would have looked elsewhere before getting in too deep...the only one that came, i shunned-the mutual friend from our school days? she was mad when she eventually got to know i was dating Dele cos according to her, they had a relationship while we were in school and i shouldn't have been 'eating her vomit'......of course i wasn't aware of this fact and when i had asked him before we started going out, he denied it vehemently saying he had nothing to do with her.much later into the relationship he said all he had with her was a 'minor fling'-guess who i believed? needless to say, the mutual friend is happily married now to another guy with a kid!

So he'll say to you now '' am not seeing anyone at the moment', '' am not married yet' and all his '' am always here for my baby''...............just to draw you in,seems lover man has a thing for us kwara babes!


So dear sister, this is not a mail borne out of jealousy....am far from that now......i would be jealous if i knew what a good time you are in for with him but i know better, my 5 years experience with him is enough to know am not going to be missing much when you finally grant him that ''sensual kiss'' he's been begging for.

If this mail rubs you the wrong way,please don't be mad with me,i just wanted you to know that this is the true man behind the charade, a man who is
willing to let you fall but won't be there to catch your fall.............pls be wise.

Am on facebook.......hook up if you wanna talk some more...takia of u.


many thanks.

Biola.
Written By Unknown On Sunday, August 30, 2009 25 Browser(s)
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When?

Joys that fill my heart,
The smile that I show
When I'm with you,
I never want it to go.

Memories that we've had,
Reminiscenses of the past
Always in my mind,
Forever they will last.

Inside I see it in you,
Through your desert eyes I know,
When I want to show you
I'm afraid that you will go.

Scared to turn the key,
Unsure to unlock the door
Hoping it will open,
Loneliness can be no more.

But still I sit here wondering
Dreaming of what can be.
When can you feel my heart?
When can you see that am for real?
When? When? When?
Written By Unknown On Friday, August 21, 2009 11 Browser(s)
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Are You Really Date-able???

There comes a time when most women start to yearn for a dose of happy ever after.. But to me looking for love in the right places,with the right man and with the right attitude and determination is the best way to sustain a happy ever after.

There is only one question to ask yourself when you are looking for this last stop man. Are you date-able? Here are few points to look into.

1. Plan :- The man of your dream won't appear in your doorway. You've got to go out and find him. Don't assume finding him to be magically blend. But it is wise to think of what you want and how to make it work. For instance you should date the kind of man you'd like to marry. Don't waste your time on a man who is not interested in marriage soon.

2. Be open:- Make yourself date-able and available. Then be assertive on what you want. Be confident, be happy and being flirtatious wont hurt either but don't look too predatory. It might be a turn off. Though it might actually attract a man but he probably wont be serious with you.

3. Be approachable:- Let him notice you, make eye contact,you can even pass a comment about his dressing or what have you,men love praises. You've got to let him know you want to talk to him. People don't know how you feel unless you tell them.

4. Don't be to hasty:- Don't allow your determination to find the right person becloud your sense of judgment against his faults or what might not be it. Ask yourself inwardly things that only you can justify and accept. Do I really like him? Can I cope with him? Is he really going to make me happy?. Believe me,you need a guy that you are totally comfortable with.

5. Spark is essential but does not happen every time:-If a man ask you out and you don't like him at first. Give him a chance and think about it. Is not every time you feel a butterfly in your stomach at first sight. You may feel the spark later. However if you cant feel it afterward. Don't force it. It is not him.

6. Just where do we meet our match? The usual notion is online,malls,bars,parties. But our chances are pretty slim. Join dance classes,book club,game club, just anything that involves meeting people with similar interests.In time you will meet someone friendly. However if friendship develops into something more meaningful. That's awesome.

7. However if after you find him. What happen next? How do you turn it into a long lasting relationship that does not have an expiry date?How do you know when the relationship is ripe for marriage or simply put, how do you go about defining when is time,you both want to settle down?. These is where you both have to sit down and discuss. Whats the purpose of the relationship?

8. Don't appear too needy or blab too much about your ex,job,family or money matter though men love honesty and open minded women. But a confident women does it for them. Is not about how much sexy or attractive you look. Is about how you handle yourself when you are together. Every little details counts.

9. If after a year together and you guys are not talking about future,hopes and ambitions,then something is wrong. Do you see any sign of commitment at all? Though sometime,some men don't reveal this,you cant even be able to see him envisioning you as the ideal wife.. They just go with the flow,they might never talk about marriage or you probably feel is not his thing. But that could be wrong. Talk to him and tell him what you want. This is not about forcing him into admittance but sharing your feelings. This might just be the gear he needed. If he feel the same way,you would know. Or isn't that better than investing in a relationship that long without a purpose?


PS: Sorry I have neglected this blog for awhile.. Another passion of mine(Photography) has been running wide with me. How are you all doing? Really missed stalking a few blogs.
Written By Unknown On Thursday, August 06, 2009 5 Browser(s)
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Memories...

It's always you I'm thinking about,
always you I want to hold,
always you I need to touch.
And all the memories I cherish most,
are those of you.

Time goes by quickly in your arms,
only to crawl when we are apart.
Long days drag,
and the fantasies I make
rarely burn with lust and desire,
only fueled by deprivation and distance.

The afternoon sunshine is warm on my face,
but even butterflies that spread their wings
around me cannot take my mind off of you.

Touches I can't wait to feel,
soft caresses I long to give.
They only keep me in suspense
as time wears on.

The day's sunset blazes against a darkening sky
and I remember our inside jokes
and our long walks
and your hand in mine.

Nights falls upon the world,
and my heart breaks even more.
Memories flood over me as the moon rises overhead,
casting its clean white light over me,
only to accentuate the emptiness next to me.

The stars rise and flicker above me,
I gaze up at them, thinking of what sky
you may be seeing.
I lay alone in my warm, familiar bed,
talks from the past echoing through my mind.
I smile and close my eyes,
your soft voice calming me.

Missing you is delayed
as I lay in the night's darkness,
memories of you still linger about
in my sleepy mind.

I wish on every star each night,
knowing already that only the passage of time
would grant us each other, once again
Written By Unknown On Monday, July 06, 2009 8 Browser(s)
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What is really in a look?

As the popular saying goes. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." how much of look are we willing to settle for in our wanted quality of a real man or woman? How does look affect our choice in picking the men or women will date or has our better halves?

This has been a great contender in the choice of people we settle for. But to me. Look could be deceptive. Is really what character the person exude that count.

I know of a guy who sent two of his girlfriend's picture to his friends to asked them which of the two girls is beautiful? Comparing a girl he has been dating for some years with the one he just met. In as much as I find that childish and betraying.(Don't get me wrong both babes are beautiful)
I don't believe a guy need to lack so much confidence not to know exactly what he want to be comparing such.But permit me to digress.

Beauty could be important but is not as important as the person behavioral and moral pattern. His or her sense of judgment. A woman may be beautiful but doesn't say she will have brains or otherwise as regards to some men. Some men could be.

Ask me if I'm crazy about look. I'd tell you NO.. But you must really possess other things that must endear you to me. Like being friendly, good personality, good dress sense, humble,respectful,caring and must be worthy of trust. Is not necessary that money should ooze out of you but you must be hard working and comfortable with yourself.

I've dated the so called handsome bloke(s) before but all there to them is troubles and sleepless nights cos they are never faithful. And is not their fault sef cos girls too will not let them rest. But my point is What is really in a look?
Written By Unknown On Wednesday, July 01, 2009 6 Browser(s)
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What does Love mean?

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes.
What does Love mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year-old(s), "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:



"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

________________________________


"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4
________________________________

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne
and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5
________________________________

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6
________________________________

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4
________________________________

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8
________________________________

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
________________________________

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate,"

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

________________________________

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday."

Noelle - age 7
________________________________

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6
________________________________

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8
________________________________

"My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day."

Mary Ann - age 4
________________________________

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4
________________________________

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's
gross."

Mark - age 6
________________________________

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8
________________________________

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked
about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's
yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"
________________________________

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God
is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is
simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.

Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they
may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your peace,
prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with
you. Amen.

Then tag five other people, including the one who sent it to
you. Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other
people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.

I tag: Baroque, Jabez,Milesperhour, Afroblog, BSNC, NaijaShawty,NE, Chayoma,Optimistic, Jhazmyn, Oyin,Caramel,Rethots, Verastic,Roc,Leggy,SSD,The activist,Justdoyin,DBthinks,Naboulove in fact I tag everyone(my head wan explode)...LOL.. I love you all.



P. S. Five is good, but more is even gooder!
Written By Unknown On Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10 Browser(s)
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I Want To Kiss You,I want to Hold you....I'm Just Too Thirsty For You...

Lately I have been all mushy and cant help ask why I'm having problem getting someone to love, Are the men blinds? No! They are not, they simply want something different from what I'm anticipating. I get lots of toaster almost everyday but most of the times is online. Sometimes I wish I could just reach into the computer and give some of my toaster(online) a blow in their face with their silly approach.

But truly I am lonely for a real relationship, one that is true,strong and that is all MINE. I need a guy who must be very humble and intelligent, someone we could talk for ages,even if is sweet nonsense and that wont get bothered. Someone that we could brainstorm together on different things, sharing ideas and dreams! Someone that we could bond after time, that can became my best friend, someone I could tell anything, without fear of judgment, someone with whom I could strip to my very soul and show the good, the bad and ugly sides of me. while he can do same with me. Someone that can be there always, like watching a movie, football together or throw pillows at each other and back ride etc as the time might dictate.

Though I would love to fall in love with the right man but not in any rush to find a Mr Right as I guess I will know him when I meet him. I'm looking for a very serious and romantic relationship.I don't need a guy that promise heaven and end up giving nothing.I want a relationship that involves great give and take.

He must combine this with a great sensuality, romantic, comfortable, intelligent, cute,smart, witty, spontaneous, adventurous with a very warm personality.My ideal guy should be attractive enough to turn my head anytime I look at him and should be able to make butterfly flies in my stomach anytime I think about him.'Cos good looking guys drive me crazy but I need just only one to keep to myself. I am a very sensual babe .And I need a strong guy that knows where a woman fantasy and trick lies.

Seriously I'm really thirty for you. And it worries me that you are taking so much time in claiming what is rightly yours. Sometime I want to be with around you, sometimes, I want to kiss you,sometimes I long to hold you,sometime I crave to sleep in your arms and most of the time I just wanna be with you,loving you and being the only woman you would ever need. Abi is my right to be love and loved in return, is my right to crave for a man's touch,in fact I deserve to be treated with respect,love,kindness and with all sensitiveness I can get.

So till you show your face, I'll be right here waiting you...

PS: I had just only one post last month..Hmmm.. It was my exams coupled with the fact that my Laptop screen got bad. But I'm back now. Thanks everyone for the good luck wishes. Miss y'all.. Happy Nu Month.
Written By Unknown On Wednesday, June 03, 2009 16 Browser(s)
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Being The Other Woman

Playing a second fiddle is always a tough choice, not to talk of being the other woman with your full awareness that your partner has a prior relationship or married for that matter.

But everybody has their reason for doing these. Some women are desperate in need of a man, so they plunge into the relationship while hoping things will get better. Some even do it to while away the time till they get to see someone worthwhile but believe me most of the time they get stuck emotionally in such relationship despite understanding the heartache that involves..

Nevertheless, you can do better than trying to be the other woman that he can fall back to, you need to do something fast and now. Ditch him. Common you can do better than that. You deserve someone who has his only eyes for you. Always remember that you are the only one that holds the key to your happiness.

Did it ever cross your mind that, if you tell him to leave his gf/wife for you first, before you agreed to date him, do you think he would still be hanging around? You do really need to be honest with yourself and stop playing games with your emotions.

In his mind, he is doing you a favor while trying to make you understand he is the best man for you or that can happen to you. He is just being a man after all. Note that whatever reason he is with you while cheating on her doesn't say he loves you any less because he is with her and not you and no matter what you guys shares together, he still run after her, go home to her, wake up with her. She comes first, so what are you still doing with him?

However, their are few things you need to know on why such relationship is not good for you. Remember he belong to someone else. Whatever he is doing to make you happy, he is just being selfish and cheating you too. He is emotionally not available to you and your needs; you are only forcing it.

If you sit back and let an unavailable guy be everything in your life, you are simply breaking your own heart cos he will never be there for you when you need him. You will end up spending memorable days alone, such as his Birthday, Valentine etc because is his wife will who will be there. You may be lucky though if he can conjure up some lies at home.

What normally disturbed me about this is being played for a fool, how does it sounds setting your heart and mind on a man who knows is not going to be there. But I guess is really a matter of choice cos there are single guys out there who can shower you with unbridled love and affection why waste your emotion on a man who is not all that.

However if you are already in one, please bear in mind the following points.

•Don't rely on playing the second best forever. You too can get the commitment you want elsewhere and be someone's most perfect woman not someone attachment.

•Don’t assumed he will leave the girlfriend/wife for you. The best you could do is wait for him to do that before you start the relationship in the first place with enough proof that he really want to be with you.

•Don't be too available - Don't make him feel as if your world is centre around him. Let him know you can do without him however lonely you are. You can spend time with your family and friends and do things for yourself whenever you feel you need to be alone.

•Don't get too obsess with him or about what he’s up to when his not with you.

•Don't be running after him, you can actually do better than running after a man who is only dishing out to you leftover of his attention.

•Don't get pregnant for him, that will be the worst mistake you ever made if you think he will change his mind and look at you differently, there is absolutely nothing like “making” a man be with you.

•Don’t waste the best years of your life as someone’s side kick. Dump him, you will soon find for yourself a nice, decent, and available man who will see what a great person you are.

My own advice is give yourself an ultimatum and plan your exit. You deserve better. Don’t dwell on the crumbles he is dishing out to you, see beyond him and work on flushing him out of your mind and life but please make sure you don't fall into same trap again. All the best.


PS: Sorry I was away for my exams. I didnt even get the chance to tell anyone. Anyway how are you guys... And by the way,thanks for all your comments on my last post. Miss you..Kisses..Hmmm e-kisses 4 y'all.
Written By Unknown On Friday, May 15, 2009 38 Browser(s)
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What If???

What if everyone needs love?

Is it a disease? Well, if it is, I'm sure hope its catching

because they need to pour it into a bottle,

label it, and sprinkle it all over the people

men and women who ever loved, searched, cried,

or died for love..So they could all catch and value it.



So...What if I'm in love?

Is it a crime? Arrest me!

Because I'm happily in love

And crazy about you.

And I wanna rock your world



What if I asked for honesty?

Is it insane? Commit me!!

Because I want Happiness, not tears;

Truths not lies; Pleasure not pain;

Sunshine not rain; A man not a child!



What if I like men?

Is it a sin?

If you don't like women of color

because we are... Dark, Fair,

Brown eyes, flexy hips

Chocolate, cream or white tooth,

Big or cute Lipped, Big and shapely backside,

Busty, small soft and round breast

Slim, voluptuous or Plus size

But simply BEAUTIFUL all at the same time!



So what if I want commitment?

Does it bother you that much because

I want a man who wants me...

Loves me and trusts me, and respects me

And gives me everything because

I give him everything back, PLUS!!

I've got rights,

same as you! I have worked for them,

And I've earned it,

From being his dutiful wife,cater for you, cook for you and carry your baby



What if I want unconditional love?

I love me, and I want you to love me too,

But I am as I've always been,

Near you, close to you, beside you,

strong giving, loving and just for you.
Written By Unknown On Tuesday, April 28, 2009 19 Browser(s)
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10 Honest Things About me..


Hmmm, I have been reading a lot of honestly memes from fellow bloggers lately. And is amazing how you guys completely bare it all out. So I'm joining the club today. So where should I start?.. Hmmm..(fingers rambling on the keyboard while searching my mind) So here we go..


1. I'm not perfect and yes not everyone will appreciate me or my person but everyone is entitled to their opinion about me.I don't judge people but I’ve always believed in the inherent goodness of people but some people just are not that nice. It takes me a long time to admit that…

2. I find out that I am scared of making relationship work for me - But people always judge me wrong, with my exposure to love,life and relationship. Guys says I am classy,too knowledgeable and too pretty to be single. well maybe I am, if I am , that is a gift from above, you do not inherit class you earn it through the years.I am an open and honest person that says things from the heart and I do believe the heart is always right.It hasn't failed me yet. If they were meant to. People and relationships are meant to be experienced; they should each leave their print on your heart - good or bad. The bottom line is that I just want someone to love and be love in return. Someone to call my OWN

3. I could be a difficult person,stubborn and am a hard nut to crack but beyond this facade I'm a very soft person inside. I cried easily. Just like every other women, I have my fears,my own shortcomings too. I'm a very go getter person, when I want something I go for it. I love my in-dependency.

4. I have had sex in the pool before,it was in the night though, we had gone for an excursion at famous ikogosi natural spring water in Ekiti from my school, where we met about three other school, it was a night to remember and the sex was breathtaking.

5. I have dated a married guy before and believe me it sucks. You only have him for the moment it is. The rest is crap and waste of your emotion and time.

6. I'm sucker for a beautiful woman, yes...I used to be Bi-curious till I met a girl.(But don't ask me if anything happen-cos I'm not telling). But now I just appreciate a beautiful women as me and nothing more.

7.I love good looking guys but I always appreciate well manner ones. I hate players and those that only want to get into your pant. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgg and their seems to be trailer loads of them,

8. I have a twin brother and he is a very nice person, I have seen him with his girlfriend and he always touched my heart. I always pray to have someone like that in my life.

9. I don't get angry easily but when I do, sometimes is always brutal. So I always take time to exercise a lot of patience before taking actions. And while am at it, just let me be. I hate begging. It only make things worse.

10. I had sex in a class room in class and I'm not going to tell which. It was an adventurous mind of mine running wild with me. And you know what, the though of been caught by the night guards and oh boy, it was fun. We both came on time.



And speaking of that,the other day,I slept off while reading
Roc 

blog page and guess what? I dreamt about him. Can you imagine? But believe me you don't wanna know what I dreamt about. Things you blogger are doing to me. No thanks to bumight,Afrobabe

,Vera,L-vii

.
So there is the 10 honest truth about me and hope you all won't skin me alive???

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