Being The Other Woman

Playing a second fiddle is always a tough choice, not to talk of being the other woman with your full awareness that your partner has a prior relationship or married for that matter.

But everybody has their reason for doing these. Some women are desperate in need of a man, so they plunge into the relationship while hoping things will get better. Some even do it to while away the time till they get to see someone worthwhile but believe me most of the time they get stuck emotionally in such relationship despite understanding the heartache that involves..

Nevertheless, you can do better than trying to be the other woman that he can fall back to, you need to do something fast and now. Ditch him. Common you can do better than that. You deserve someone who has his only eyes for you. Always remember that you are the only one that holds the key to your happiness.

Did it ever cross your mind that, if you tell him to leave his gf/wife for you first, before you agreed to date him, do you think he would still be hanging around? You do really need to be honest with yourself and stop playing games with your emotions.

In his mind, he is doing you a favor while trying to make you understand he is the best man for you or that can happen to you. He is just being a man after all. Note that whatever reason he is with you while cheating on her doesn't say he loves you any less because he is with her and not you and no matter what you guys shares together, he still run after her, go home to her, wake up with her. She comes first, so what are you still doing with him?

However, their are few things you need to know on why such relationship is not good for you. Remember he belong to someone else. Whatever he is doing to make you happy, he is just being selfish and cheating you too. He is emotionally not available to you and your needs; you are only forcing it.

If you sit back and let an unavailable guy be everything in your life, you are simply breaking your own heart cos he will never be there for you when you need him. You will end up spending memorable days alone, such as his Birthday, Valentine etc because is his wife will who will be there. You may be lucky though if he can conjure up some lies at home.

What normally disturbed me about this is being played for a fool, how does it sounds setting your heart and mind on a man who knows is not going to be there. But I guess is really a matter of choice cos there are single guys out there who can shower you with unbridled love and affection why waste your emotion on a man who is not all that.

However if you are already in one, please bear in mind the following points.

•Don't rely on playing the second best forever. You too can get the commitment you want elsewhere and be someone's most perfect woman not someone attachment.

•Don’t assumed he will leave the girlfriend/wife for you. The best you could do is wait for him to do that before you start the relationship in the first place with enough proof that he really want to be with you.

•Don't be too available - Don't make him feel as if your world is centre around him. Let him know you can do without him however lonely you are. You can spend time with your family and friends and do things for yourself whenever you feel you need to be alone.

•Don't get too obsess with him or about what he’s up to when his not with you.

•Don't be running after him, you can actually do better than running after a man who is only dishing out to you leftover of his attention.

•Don't get pregnant for him, that will be the worst mistake you ever made if you think he will change his mind and look at you differently, there is absolutely nothing like “making” a man be with you.

•Don’t waste the best years of your life as someone’s side kick. Dump him, you will soon find for yourself a nice, decent, and available man who will see what a great person you are.

My own advice is give yourself an ultimatum and plan your exit. You deserve better. Don’t dwell on the crumbles he is dishing out to you, see beyond him and work on flushing him out of your mind and life but please make sure you don't fall into same trap again. All the best.


PS: Sorry I was away for my exams. I didnt even get the chance to tell anyone. Anyway how are you guys... And by the way,thanks for all your comments on my last post. Miss you..Kisses..Hmmm e-kisses 4 y'all.

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OPTIMISTIC_alyzzz said...

1SSSTTTTT

OPTIMISTIC_alyzzz said...

PREACH IT GIRL PREACH IT.
WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT, AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY U ARE STILL NUMBER 2.

Rita said...

A big hug and a big thank you. It was a message like this that got me to my senses and made me whole and happy today.

Ms. SpicyTee said...

Abi o..we deserve much better.. We just let them dish us their left overs at own detriments,happiness and emotions. Is not just fair.

MilesPerHour said...

Women deserve the best. It's up to us to make the right choices and choosing with your head rather than your heart, although much harder, is the better way to go.

aloted said...

well written!

though i'll like to point out there is a great difference between a girlfriend and wife..and in as much as i support you on all u have said...with a wife there is a convenant part attached to it...

whatever the case, women should pray for their own men..and not someone in a relationship or who is married.

1 + The One said...

Welcome back and thanks for another insightful post..
Hope your exams went well xx

Afrobabe said...

Second fiddle is like being a second rate citizen….why settle for less??

Nice Anon said...

Anyone okay with being second fiddle needs to slapped and flipped back!

Repressed One said...

lol, i'm with NiceAnon mehn. Knowingly kwa? Mbanu!!!

MyOwnThINg said...

nice post. Keep it up. Lets encourage one another...x

wordmerchant said...

never ever settle for less!!! you said it well.

Oyin said...

Hey let me tell you....sorry but I think Im that girl. Ive got myself caught up with a married guy and I dont know how to leave him. SO many things are true here and I truthfully understand. But let me tell you, I dont want him to leave his wife, and he didnt promise me that. We just chill and hang out. I know that she is first and that she is with him on holidays.....BUTTTTTTT, if I tell him that I need him he will drop whatever and come to me. I do have "some" advantages...but I dont wear out my welcome.


I DO NEED TO LET GO THOUGH.....sigh

jhazmyn said...

So on point...and my question as always is...if i dont want my hubby cheating on me, why do i do same to some other woman...its such a viscious circle really. I remember some married guy once saying his wife/marriage had become boring and all they do now is talk about "the children this, the bills that" and i'm like, why not use the energy spent in sneaking around to try make things work?...

really, we all deserve "our own man" no need settling for less...good one girl

PS. Sorry for the long comment

jhazmyn said...

BTW, how were ur exams..i trust they went well, welcome back

Steven Chinonso said...

Am guilty of this.
So i comment my reserve.

Oyibo Thys said...

Ladies, think b4 u do get in to a situation like this. If u do, u r as much responable as the guy is.

Seun Ige said...

I like this....but.....

Ayodeji Adefemiwa said...

nice one...really nice Taiwo.

juiceegal said...

Hmmmmmn this thing called love sef.........its not easy being the other woman but have u eva thought about how hard it must be for the other woman........most of the time she knows that its a sticky situation but she cnt bring herself 2 let go,its like knowin something is bad for u bi=ut u stil go ahead to do it newaiz cuz u cnt resist it,nobody deserves to live this way but it happens,before i might have condemned these women but i know better now,we can only just pray that it dsnt happen to us.

Funms-the rebirth said...

ur so right......ive said i'd never be the other woman or start a rship with someone who leaves his woman for me......

Carol Westley said...

Nice..... Ave never been in this situation but ave been the victim of....

Olalekan Oladapo said...

I dnt believe a lady wrote this note, but all d same, the truth has been said, now left for the wise gurls out there to make use of it.

I think the writer refused to mention the initial motive of gurls that get themselves involved in such relationship i.e fun, money, material things, connection (like some say) etc which to them replaces the luv or emotional feelings ur talking about. To the gurls, they are smart and during the course of their smartness, they get lost in the fantacy.

From the look of things, only the despirate gurls (gurls in need of money, fun, material thngs, connection and sometimes HUSBAND) falls in this situation that at the initial stage they might get all these but in the long run, it causes them more harm than good almost for the rest of their lifes.... Read More

Like some gurls will say, older & married men are more caring and mature enough to handle them than younger/single guyz. What will u relate this to????.

Gurls need this kind of orientation.

Obi Eze said...

EVERYBODY learns the hard way..it's the way of the world...

Queen of My Castle said...

I love this. Like Obi says...MOST people learn the hard way.

RocNaija said...

The do's and dont's of being the other woman..
Or would this just be the dont's..

Nice write up Ms Spicy..

Finished with your exams then?

justdoyin said...

nice 1...I agree with Afro...

My World said...

Ture talk,sis!

StandTall-The Activist said...

Nice post and trully it does not worth it. May we receive the courage to do what is right at all time.

StandTall-The Activist said...

@ Olalekan Oladapo: you know they say it takes 2 to tango and I wondr why some married men would not take thier vows seriously and start disturbing other women.

Some of the young ladies, might have financial issues or others before and they now get to see a man that is married in the first place asking them out persistently... temptation might arise.

I think it's good for both parties to know it's not proper. I mean them men that like to do this kind of thing as well as the women they persuade to be the second best...

BSNC said...

nice post babe. well written, how did your exams go

babajidesalu said...

You have written and spoken well. Many young ladies out there need to read what you have got to say.

Well done and God bless.

I believe your exams went well? Of course they must have!!

Tariere said...

Your perspective sounds to me like you have set ideas about the issue without really understanding what people in that situation have to go through.
It's a very confusing emotional situation, but can also be a good place, as it can challenge you to love truly- selflessly.

Ms. SpicyTee said...

@ROC and BSCN...Thx..My exams went well.I'm planning on writing another one soon.
@ StandTaller..Thx for the response to Lekan..LOL..How are u?
@ Babajide Salu.. Thx it did..How are you doing?

Ms. SpicyTee said...

@ Tariere.. Yes I quite understand what the people in such situation for through cos I've been in such too. And yes is very confusing but I don't see how it challenge one on how to love truly selflessly because you don't get to be love equally.

Anonymous said...

am the other woman...i never wanted to be the second one in somebdy's life but my situations brought me in front of this guy.He is a cop....we both are married...mine aint working me sticking due to kid and running the house as my man doesnt work,his i didnt believe his stories about multiple illness of his wife and also that she is uneducated and too outdated kinds. I saw her pictures, pics of his family his wife and kids and he..she is very obese, not pretty and then he even dialled home while i was next to him.,.she talks in a very odd manner. He told me these are the factors he has drifted away. but son of a gun he told me you are my dream yet i cant leave her whenever you will call me i will be there. being in a abusive relation from many years finding a man i lost myself and got weak. yes whenever he wants he gets to see me i have tested him but when i want he aint there. he wont spend i spend. he told me i dont want to be seen outside with you so to give him good when i last met him after a month ystdry i told him u sit in the car i will get coffee. He told me why i said opps you dont want to be seen with me so i am respecting that..i have started getting sense and started avoiding him..my house bugdet went array due to his birthday gift..he lectures me to pay more attention to my looks and appearance although by grace of Jesus i am attractive and can still make a head turn. i back fired question that why dont you tell ur wife. tday he wanted to meet me so i told him no go home she is waiting..please i have dabbed loads of perfume if u meet me for even 5 min and i hug you she will catch u so i wont stop wearing perfume but i wont meet you :) i agree that we cant let out world revolve around these men,,,we shouldnt always be available..for them else they feel she is totally dependent on me..slowly i will break away from this guy it wont pain that much when i am doing it slowly..but yes it will but better than getting hurt everyday

Anonymous said...

how can a man love both his girlfriend who is the other woman in his life and his dear wife? specially when he claims i love you both equally..!! i am enjoying this game now..every time he tells me from 1 month he wants to meet me...i create some excuse stay late at work...and tell him hey your baby at home is missing you call her go home to her have a good time and tell her you love her and the best joke next day he will call me and tell me see i love you so much that i did as told by you and i got close to her and told her ilove you.what the hell he thinks am an idiot. men are men they wont change

Anonymous said...

Rt now he messaged me to check whether am at work or left i have texted him..be with her focus on her love her don't waste such a cold evening.....I am working..you get cosy with her..dont worry abt me..so he msgs me you are angry as i didnt come to see u..i sd nopes why should i be angry..i wanted u to be with her as u are at office and u hardly get time to be with her so be with her love her I WANT TO TELL ALL YOU LADIES...it hurts me when i do this but i have too to save myself from further pain

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