Advice.. I don't know what to call this? But What should I do?

Hey folks,

I need your advice on this. I met this guy on Facebook over a year ago but recently we've been chatting on the phone and communicating more. He will like to date me,but we are really waiting to meet first.Which is as soon as he can make it to Lagos to seem.So we can talk and see how it goes. And to my amazement I receive this mail today.Please advice,What should I do? Tell the guy? Reply the babe? What?

Hello Spicy,

How are you doing? i am forced to write you this mail-even against my own best judgment but then, who knows, this stitch in time might save nine............i am Dele Cokers's girlfriend/fiancee/wife....I am from kwara state too so i can say i am doing my sister a favor by writing this long epistle.i'll try not to bore you.


Dele and i met in school, university of ilorin exactly, nothing much went on during the school days, we were just casual acquaintances, he was very close friends with a good friend of mine back then,and gradually we saw more and more often as this mutual friend's-who's also from kwara state! eventually school came to an end and Dele and i began dating during my service year,that was 5 years ago.
Those fun days! i''ll sneak from asaba to come visit him in abuja, stay a while then sneak back to service.He finished a year before me, so he was already in abuja trying to get started in life. Things finally got rosy and he landed a good contract,money started flowing and future looked bright enough! I finished service,moved back home to ilorin and started job this time, we were already ''swimming in love'', he would leave abj and come spend weekeends in ilorin with me.My parents had began to take notice of him too and my joy knew no bounds....i was in love, he was doing well and my family approved. Eventually i told my parents i'll like to move out of ilorin so i cld get better opportunities with the job hunt, and with this excuse i relocated to abj to be closer to my love!


Abuja i came,money was really flowing then and he got me a place,while he stayed at his brothers'. I must say it took my coming to abj to see more clearly.........Dele was quite different here, he was always away on site most of the time, fine the man had to work to make the money and i had no issues with that,but the lifestyle that came with the money??? that was something esle!
He had numerous friends,most of who came for the money and of course influenced him wrongly...then the girls! i lost count of the number of girls he cheated on me with,every month it was a new girl and at times he'd go as low as prostitutes. i was shocked, the man i knew was gone and i could not even see in him again the islam he was profesing so much back then which was one of the reasons i dated him( i dated a xtian in skool and i was so eager to get a muslim boyfriend i could eventually marry).

We began to fight so much because i couldn't stand the lifestyle he was living all because he had money now.....i would talk and nag and nag just to make him see the uselessness of the life he was living, he will come to his senses for a week at most......the friends will come and lure him back to the life...and the girls! he eventually stopped bothering to listen to me and lived life just the way he wanted and deemed fit..who was i anyway??? i was still jobless and financially dependent on him so i could nag all i wanted, he had the money and life was good..........with enough sycophant friends and girls around to live the good life with him. i didn't stop trying to get him back to his senses and that was when the real trouble started.

The first time he hit me...we had our usual quarrel..cheating on me,spending money anyhow...he asked if it was my father that gave him the money i was so concerned abt,,and wat rite i had to question him since i wasn't his wife yet.....a quarrel started as usual but this time it was with a added slap,kicks,and terrible blows,it was so terrible and i could barely move after.........he beat me so bad i had to scream for help.......neighbors came to my rescue, i called my family, told them what happened, two days after i packed my stuff and left for ilorin with my bruises.

My journey home was sad and i cried a lot,i was so full of shame and my folks wasted no time in telling me-we told you so!- they thought twice about me leaving for abuja then but i wouldn't listen, i was blinded by love and that same love had sent me back home in shame with bruises and a swollen rib. i was taken to the hospital for treatment and i got better with time. a week later, Dele showed up in ilorin, with my cousin that he'd been friends with in unilorin.his mission? to beg and reconcile!
He begged and begged, saying he didn't know what possessed him he was sorry and he wanted me back,he promised my folks it will never happen again.My mind was made up, i cldn't think of going back to him,how could he claim to love me and beat me up so bad? i told him no.he insisted to my folks that he was serious about me,they advised him he should get his folks to come and we do a proper thing. my dad then pleaded with me on his behalf ,that i should forgive him as no one was above mistakes.

We went to ogbomosho to meet his folks,a date was set for the introduction,then we left back for abj..all made up!!!

Introduction came and went in 2006.........a wedding date was to be announced later.

Back at Abuja.....things were all lovey and dovey for a while and then we went back to normal.......cheating on me and the beatings continued growing worse each time......a slight quarrel and the blows will start.we had began living together now in readiness for the '' wedding date'' and there were times we'll not speak for days and days when he'll not come back home for weeks.....and of course, the money flow was starting to slow down now....and eventually cash became so tight.

2007 came and still no wedding date; i was starting to worry and people began to ask, what is the delay? and God bless me if i tried to raise the issue with him, anytime i talked about when will it be, a fight was certain to happen and another beating will result. I started to be afraid of him and i just kept on lying to folks that we were making plans!

Friends weddings came and gone,and still we had no wedding date, all excuses were given of course-he was waiting for money,his brother was going into politics and he'd not want political rivals to come disrupt the wedding!(ridiculous right?),i was trying to force him to marry, he wanted to wait a while for business to get i let it rest and continued to endure the fights,the beatings and the no wedding date.

Of course,i considered my options and alternatives,other men were coming but i couldn't leave him, i felt the introduction meant something,a commitment i was supposed to honor. so wait to honor the commitment i did.

He continued his occasional side kicks...cheating here and there and so many more excuses why he couldn't put a ring on it with me!

Eventually, we agreed for Dec 2007,to go home and put final touches, the parents were informed and when december came,after a minor quarrel Dele walked out and left the house for weeks..i had no idea where he'd gone or if he'll make it back in time for the planned trip.he never did.i went through physiological torture, was he safe?what will i tell people at home? he was not picking my calls either..i begged via sms but he never showed up.

I went home alone,informed them to halt wedding plans as the groom had dissappeared!

The shame was enormous, i wished the ground would open and swallow me, aso-ebi samples were already picked, families and friends already in the know and e ku ipalemo(Preparation) greetings was in order! i could not bear it, i stayed indoors throughout,hoping against hope that he would somehow come back from wherever he'd gone,at least to save me from the disgrace.

After like a month or so,it dawned on me, that he's not showing up,so amidst tears i left home to come back to abj,to come face reality of what had just happened to me.

I moved out of his place and rented a place of my own, to start life again as it was then clear, the man am waiting on had no plans and the trauma of been abandoned almost at the altar was too much, i decided to move on with my life as i hadn't seen or heard from him till then.

And then he came back,almost two months after...........the begging and crying was unlimited,how sorry he was, he didn't know what came over him, he couldn't explain it himself, he loved me and wanted to marry me! i called home and informed my parents on the resurfacing of the groom! they told me their minds.....his attitude was questionable and not very encouraging, i was advised to just make a fresh start in order to avoid another disappointment from him as they were no longer in support. i told him this so he could see he was already too late. he went to ilorin again to meet my folks and they told him the ball was in my court.

I tried moving on,tried seeing other men,we were living apart now but still it wasn't so easy for me,my heart was still with him even after all he'd done.And he knew how to lay it on, begging, crying and making promises upon promises. i still stood my ground,but like they is a disease......sure enough my disease came back and i began to give in.

Little by little,we became an item again and i foolishly open up the doors to my heart again,of course my parents disapproved and i fought them all cos of him, he had changed,he was serious about marrying me, they could go to hell if they won't support me....i said all that and i was his fiancee again!


We'd agreed to go it alone without the parents' support now ,we had decided to do a registry and inform the folks after. this we did-June 16 2009- so you can imagine my shock when i read his chat with you that he was not seeing anyone at the moment??? the sex ''with an old favor'' wasn't even as shocking.........i'd suspected he was straying again, we still stay apart as husband and wife(strictly his choice) still burning down under after the last time we were together, checked it out and doc confirmed it was an STD, he's the only one am 'doing' so i guessed the obvious! dinner dates with old favors,a sexy romp after that, stupid, trusting wifey opens up for him after that and .......the rest is history!

Anyways, registry done, we'd plan to inform the parents so we could arrange for a nikkai, i did this and my folks were all for it saying if i knew it was him that will make me happy...they were waiting for us to come the needful........And that's where we are again, the lover man has been postponing and procrastinating AGAIN ever since then! how some things never change.

5 years with a man and yet you never get to know him!

So why am i really writing all this? to a complete stranger? to be honest,i never thought i could but then i thought why not? a stitch in time could save nine......if i'd been warned by someone of the nature of this man...i would have looked elsewhere before getting in too deep...the only one that came, i shunned-the mutual friend from our school days? she was mad when she eventually got to know i was dating Dele cos according to her, they had a relationship while we were in school and i shouldn't have been 'eating her vomit'......of course i wasn't aware of this fact and when i had asked him before we started going out, he denied it vehemently saying he had nothing to do with her.much later into the relationship he said all he had with her was a 'minor fling'-guess who i believed? needless to say, the mutual friend is happily married now to another guy with a kid!

So he'll say to you now '' am not seeing anyone at the moment', '' am not married yet' and all his '' am always here for my baby''...............just to draw you in,seems lover man has a thing for us kwara babes!

So dear sister, this is not a mail borne out of far from that now......i would be jealous if i knew what a good time you are in for with him but i know better, my 5 years experience with him is enough to know am not going to be missing much when you finally grant him that ''sensual kiss'' he's been begging for.

If this mail rubs you the wrong way,please don't be mad with me,i just wanted you to know that this is the true man behind the charade, a man who is
willing to let you fall but won't be there to catch your fall.............pls be wise.

Am on facebook.......hook up if you wanna talk some more...takia of u.

many thanks.


25 Browser(s):

Eugenia Agidee said...

This is hilarious....When can a woman actually know and trust a man...NEVER!
Girlfriend pls Run-for-your-life with this M....fu.ker called Dele or whatever his pathetic name is,pls o...Your happiness and good health matters.This Biola lady has sure been a fool for love and I pray she finds happiness and true love to compensate her for all she has been through with her so-called husband.

Ms. 'dufa said...

I believe the lady and I think you should listen to her. RUN AWAY!

iphyigbogurl said... away from this man....
it is very clear he has some serious issues.

Myne Whitman said...

Take with a pinch of salt. You can connect on facebook and see if she has any pics to back her up. If not, speak plainly with your guy before making a decision.

LadyInRed said...

Please please please run fast! A friend of mine was in a similar situation. Met some guy who seemed so nice (they even met at churcH sef!). Well, dude was parading like a single guy on Christian women- turned out he had a WIFE and 3 little daughters. How did my friend find out?
The wife emailed my friend and told her everything about how her husband preys on single girls and how she wants to leave but is not brave to or in a stable situation to (the poor woman was depressed sha). The wife wasn;t rude to my friend at all in the mail. In fact the poor woman shared her story and told my friend to tell all her single friends so that tehy do not make the same mistakes she made...
Well, my friend emailed the guy and gave him a peice of her mind. The kicker to this story is that dude never contacted my friend again- the wife was telling the truth!! What a shameless dog he was!
So please, take the lady contacting you as a blessing. Trust me!

Nice Anon said...

Spicy Tee: I would do this if I were you.. Contact her to thank her for being so nice and thoughtful to have contacted you. Do this sincerely and honestly. After then IGNORE him and never answer or take his calls again. Just disappear POOF! No questions asked! none answered!

BSNC said...

i think you should ignore the guy too.

Sugabelly said...

This is the result of Nigerian pressure on women making them desperate to 'get married'. Although, if she did love him I can totally see how she endured all his indiscretions.

Well, you've been warned. The chick did you a favour..... unless of course she made all this up so that you would think she was doing you a favour and leave him alone on your own.

I'm too sleepy to analyze this. Night Night.

CerebrallyBusy said...

please, run away as fast as you can oh!!! i believe the lady big-time

jhazmyn said...

Whether u believe her or not, thing still remains there's something where she's coming from, an obvious sign that Dele has issues, if you ask me, I'd say you should just walk away...Drama in my opinion is just not worth it.

downtheaisle said...

Flee!!!! this is an appearance of evil. This mail might just be a sign of an answered prayer.

LG said...

*babes otojo meta o

Anonymous said...

I tell you men are really something... heres what you should do:

Make and appointment to meet both him and her and only let her in on this... I would love to see his face when she walks up to ask what is happening!!

Anonymous said...

What advice do u need again? Let the guy be ooooooooooo

isha said...

Emmm, I think you should let him know you're walking, because you think he needs space to fix his marital issues. You should let him know that you know that he's full of shit. Don't just disappear, call him out on his BS. Just don't let him know how you found out, cos we don't want him beating Biola up.

And then, Biola (if she's real, cos this ridiculous thought's been playing in my head that he's playing some kinda trick, to test you, but let's forget that I said that), please let someone remind Biola that no man is worth getting a daily beating from. She needs to get herself out of that destructive relationship. He's even given her an STD!

Anonymous said...

i think you should run oh...even if she made all these things up,it doesnt explain how she read your conversations with him so that means that there must be something going on between them and therefore the guy has issues...dont tell the guy anything cos he might beat on this biola woman oh.
i think she did you a big favour so please just leave him alone..cos obviously,even if the woman is lying.obviously he has some baggage that you do not want to get invovled in.

Nefertiti said...

One word- RUN!

Onome said...

abeg gimme dat guy's name lemme avoid him...o yea, babes..u need to do so too..dat man is a demon!!!!

miz.lola said...

some serious sturvz..pls run! even if like someone said he's doing this to test you, it's his loss because there's nothing funny about this. If this biola person exists, I feel for her. thats not life.

Ms. SpicyTee said...

Wow.. Thank you guys.. You are helpful as usual.. Can you just imaging this?

I certainly don't need this kain drama for my life. A woman beater for that matter.

I've not discuss with both of them. I think I'm ready now. I will reply the lady and ask her if she want me to discuss with Dele..And mind you that won't say I'm going for the guy o.. I just want him to know that I know the kind of guy he is.

Hmm..May God help us with bad guys in good clothing. Anyway you are one in a trillion.

Geebee said...

Wao, this one is a revelation. Gurl, that guy must be an animal (if all Biloa said about him was true) and you’re sure better off without him. In fact, thank your lucky stars you got this mail early enough . . . On the other hand, what if she’s lying? Answer: The devil you know is better than the angel you don’t. Don’t bother trying to find out whether she’s lying or not. This bone is obviously not one that you’d find easy to crack.

Anonymous said...


RUN! whether or not its true, drama is bad for errone's health man!

Repressed One said...

DAMN!!! Fleeee oh!! Fleee!!

We need to pray for Biola oh...who came to this world to suffer?? A man does ALL that to you and you remain in the name of what? God forbid bad thing!!!

aloted said...

Nawa o....this kain love that will make a woman stay with a man even with all the red signs may we never encounter o!

Think wat u want to do is best..stay clear from both of them

FIGE said...

WOW.....Im shocked! That does not seem like a make up! if it is...she deserves an award. Do you thibnk meeting with them Makes alot of sense! Do you wanna be caught up in their drama! You can just stay away and leave it all to dry! meetin them wont change the major with someone else...minor fact..his a disgrace to MEN folk! well the decision is yours!

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