When the Line Is Drawn

Who doesn’t want to be in relationship or get married these days? Every eight out of ten individual wants to because relationships, love and marriage is such a wonderful thing that fills everyone with warmth, with the joy of being somebody’s. And whether in cold or warmth, people are happy to find eternal happiness in each other ’s heart.

And of course just as people are getting hooked, there are thousand breaking up at this moment. But whether its worth our while or not, is not the problem. The problems begin long before the relationship or marriage is cemented. Couples who began their dating relationships starry-eyed and dreamy all too often end them red-eyed and dismayed.

Girlfriends and boyfriends, who were certain theirs was the romance of the century, find themselves burn out in flames for reasons they do not understand. It is difficult to know just how painful a relationship breakup can be until it happens in one’s own life. Sadness, Intense feelings and despair are a common reaction to the end of a relationship. Psychological research shows that the emotional response to the breakup of a romantic relationship strongly resembles reactions to what would appear to be more traumatic losses, like the death of a loved one. The following are major emotional phases to expect in the loss of a romantic relationship.

Shock :- It will be very difficult to believe and admit that the relationship is ending or has ended. It is painful to accept a loved and trusted partner seeming to care so little about the relationship and your feelings.

Grief and Despair :- It is normal to feel sad and lonely, and to cry too. You may feel an intense need at times to make contact with your ex-partner. Particular times during the day, such as sleeping alone, waking up in the morning, or been in places you ought to have been together alone may be especially difficult.

Confusion :- Life may feel strange or incomplete without your significant other, you might desperately miss what is gone and wish things could go back to the way they were, you might question who you are, and the meaning of life without your partner.

Fear :- It may be frightening and difficult to imagine life without the significant other. You may fear that you will never see a person like him or her again, find love or be happy again without the person.

Jealousy : - You may experience jealousy or worry about your partner supposedly being with someone else.

Anger and Bitterness : - Anger with a partner who has caused pain by initiating or contributing to the breakup is a common emotional response and feeling of betraying the trust in which you both shared.

Self-blame and Guilt :- If you initiated the breakup, you may feel guilty about causing pain to your partner. You may be worried over what has caused the breakup, and may attempt to “bargain” with an ex-partner to give the relationship another chance.

Relief : -You heave a sigh of relief from negative feelings associated with the relationship that resulted from arguments, fighting, jealousy, stress, insecurity, or boredom.

What to do

It is true that there is no way around feeling emotional pain after a relationship breakup. Your feelings reflect the importance of your partner in your life, as well as your own ability to allow yourself to be intimate and close with an important other. What really matter is how far can one cope when the line is drawn? “Its over,”

Here are some hints in getting over it completely:

*Make out time to get yourself back together on a level footing-Remember life isn’t bed of roses, you win some, you lose some and always bear it in mind that what will be your, will be yours.

*Make changes in your life and express yourself creatively. Develop new interests, activities and relationships in your life separate from your ex-partner. Redecorate or paint your living space. Focus on doing things that reflect your unique nature, and that are a not reminder of your ex-partner. Plan new events with friends or family on holidays or anniversary dates of the relationship. Engage in activities that help you recover a sense of meaning and balance, such as religious/spiritual practice, art, poetry or music.

*Seek support from friends and family. Social support is one of the most important factors in coping with a loss. Reach out to people who care and who will listen to your feelings and provide encouragement. Spending time with others may be difficult at first, but will help you to realize that there are other people in your life who care about you and are there to support you.

*Don’t rush head-on unto another relationship when you’ve barely gotten over the last-Remember you don’t have to try every dick and harry before you know the right one for you.

*Don’t over expect things on a first, enjoy it for what it is “A Date” and nothing more and bear in mind that if you expect everything to be romantic and perfect immediately, you might just be building a castle in the air. Remember love is not what you get off-handed on a plate.

*Meet as many people as possible, so you can make your judgment and choose wisely this time-Dear he/she might just be around the corner. But take it gradually.

*Don’t go to far quickly, you re bound to be disappointed again. Free your mind and take your time in finding love again.

*Though you might need a relationship badly but don’t compromise yourself and get yourself to be used and dump again-Remember it is better to be alone than being in a bad relationship.

*Be ready for commitment, The love that we all want from a spouse is not possible without both having the commitment to try to make it work

*Lastly, make a wise choice, for the fact that he throws money here and there, dashing, tall, beautiful or he or she is your dream mate doesn’t mean he or she is the one. Remember, material things, physical attributes may soon fade out, then the truly color will emerge and you will be disappointed again.

If all these could be adhered to, you could find love again, though love could be dangerous at times but every wonderful for those who have find the courage in finding eternal love but if it’s not respected, it could be your worst enemy.

Many relationships fail because they are built too fast. Take your time, converse and communicate. View your partner as a person, not just as an object that makes you feel good. Have this in mind you know If you want fast food, you will get it cheap and instant and in a paper box. If you want a feast, you take your time to prepare it lovingly and slowly, Make this last a long time. I wish you the best.

14 Browser(s):

jhazmyn said...

Hmm, i always wonder if there's a hard and fast rule to moving on after a break up cos the two times i've had to move on, i reacted differently.
The first (my first relationship ever and it lasted for 31mnths), i was a total mess and it took me another 1year to get over it (probably cos i still had to see this fella everyday of my life after the break up) and during this 1year period, i tried prayer, hangingout a lot with my girlfriends and even picking on a rebound guy but at the end of the day, it was time that worked, with time, i hurt less and less.
The second, i guess the first experience taught me to believe,nothing lasts forever, so this break up took me just one week to get over it.
I guess difference in temperaments also play a major part in dealing with break-ups.But i guess the bottom line is, at some point you're going to have to let go and move on with life or risk living as a wreck for life...

Sorry for the space taken

Buttercup said...

some valid points u made there..

StandTall-The Activist said...

What happened to the post about the kind of man you wanted that I saw in my aggregator just now?

wordmerchant said...

Very valid points..especially about not rushing things and taking your time. Sometimes we go into things head first and wonder why we don't land on our feet

Nice post as always xx

Doja 2.0 said...

Good advice. Hopefully I wont ever be needing them

s.chic said...

well written...good reminder to people...

David Adeyemi said...

well spoken except it results to bitterness, anger, hurt, deceit, cheating,loneliness,disappointment,betrayal etc sometimes

Jame Hanz said...

Base on ur own assumption, on what fact did u base that? what are ur data of coming to conclusion that eight out of ten want to. i dont think u r right.

Olusegun Oladele said...

Nice one Shakira,it is coming when i needed it most,it comforting to hear that things will get better.....u can imagine the rest

Nabou Fall said...

Thanks for sharing!xoxo.
http://naboulove.wordpress.com/

Ms. SpicyTee said...

@Hanz..Do u really need my data...
Even if u re not happy in being in a relationship..
There a lot of people out there who cant help been lonely.

Seun Oloketuyi said...

i beg go start a column in a magazine,dis love thing na God d thing understand.let stay focussed

David Adeyemi said...

she i done tell u b4

Body Language said...

Yes i know that being nice is considered socially accepted in this world. But being to nice to a woman will mean you won't be chosen as a lover, but more of a friend. This is because woman don't choose their lover on how nice they are.

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