7 Tips to Maintaining A New Relationship

By Spicytee Taiwo Orimadegun

© Lechics Online Magazine

Female Abuser

He is a great provider, he makes sure you don't lack anything, he is great in bed and the kind of man you love. But he is abusive towards female.. Will u go ahead and still married him..

Whats Wrong in Being Single-Ish???

No doubt, being in a loving relationship has its own mutual benefits. Someone there for you at all times, talk to you, laugh with you, feel their warmth at night, makes you feel loved, especially paying you attention , satisfies your sexual desires and compliments you in every way possible.

People always tend to think that being in a relationship make you feel normal. In fact society expects everyone to be in a relationship, and probably get married (before the age of 30) people still ask why you are still single? at a certain age. They portray it
as not been "normal.” But to each his or her own, being single does not mean one is lonely. It is by choice and circumstance in most cases. It’s either a state where we hope to meet the right person or just decide to be alone when the right person does not come alone. Some of us confuse loneliness with the act of being single. They are quite different. Loneliness can be depressing and painful, but being single can also is pleasant.

Although being single can be frustrating, most of the time, you sit down and wallow in self pity and ask yourself questions that you don't readily have answers to. Why me? Is there something about me? Who is really the perfect match for me? Will I ever get married? Where did I go wrong? Sometimes we even chastise ourselves. Have I missed my best opportunity with the last person that doesn't work out? Maybe I 'm too choosy. Maybe I have very high expectations.

Majority of us hate being single because a lot of things remind us how bad being single is. We always have our hopes high every year that it will be different. There is a lot of discrimination against single people everywhere. At the restaurant, hotels and especially at work, the singles are the most used employees. Married employees always have the reason to get away from work. (I've got to pick my wife at the airport, my wife is ill, my child's graduating tomorrow.

You don't even get to see your parents or spend special times with them. And to cap it all, every single move or conversation by a single person will raise eyebrows and everyone will be quick to remind you of
the fact that John is married and Vivian is engaged. Ade has two kids" just as soon they hear you talking to a married person.
The absolute truth is that you can never make a success of any relationship without being single for sometime. Being single allows us to have fun with ourselves and taking full responsibility of our actions, and motivating ourselves. It make us understand who we are, what we want, what we do, what and who we love and our expectations from the next relationship we hope to get into.

It empowers our minds, give a thought about our wants and grieve over past relationships gone sour. Being single allow us to be comfortable and being on our own for a while. Likewise, being single forces you to do things for yourself. There are many things you can enjoy while being single. Make new friends; go on dates, parties, travel and generally having a good time as best as you can. There are times too that you are in a relationship that you wish you are single too especially when you are in a bad relationship or marriage. When single, you can go out on dates with your girlfriend or boyfriends and have fun without worrying about a jealous lover. You can watch movies till late in the night, hang out with your girlfriend’s even wink to a guy of your fancy in the bar and you have no one to chastise you.

Nevertheless whatever reasons that is making you stay single, enjoy it and always remember that is better being alone than being in bad relationship.

PS: Adapted from my write-up for Lechic Fashion & Lifestyle Magazine
http://www.lechics.com/dating/dating.php
http://lechics.com/

Women-Battery..What do you have to say???

Marriage/relationship is not intended to be a prison but a base, a safe haven for commitment, contentment, consolation, and tranquility. If it turns out to be an arena for discontentment, abuse, strife, battery or depression then it is failing to fulfill its proper purpose.

The phenomenon of women-batter is an abuse of men who beat their women only because they are either drunk, brutal by nature or just in a bad temper.

Men who behave like tyrants in the home; who assert his rule in an arbitrary or violent manner, are usually the weak ones who are actually suffering from hidden inferiority complex and are afraid of being shown up a mentally or morally inferior to their wife and at times insecurity could lead to it too.

A man does not need to assert himself over his woman or be on the defensive against her to correct a wrong or mistake she might have made.

But men believe they could hold the right and obligation that is woman is created at their mercy and should be contented with whatever treatment they metes out to them as their whims and fancy dictates.

Think about it, this thing start from when they are young, they first start by slapping their girlfriend, pushing her around, then they hit you really bad. Yes we still love them. Sometimes is bad enough that you can't even leave them,walk away without them getting more brutal with you.

I have left a guy before because of this. And when he came calling to beg me. The feelings of what he has done to me before won't let me take me back. I remember the way he beat locked the door on me,beat me with a belt and pet me afterward and the aggressiveness began. The thought can never get out of my mind till today after five years. And this was because he was just insecure,he was afraid of losing me and only want to prove a point to me which was on the reverse case for me. But I digress,another topic,another day, in fact I'm writing a book on that.

Anyway, I believe their ways you can talk to your woman without getting violence. Though I know some men still knows how to get at their woman without beating her up, shouting on her or anything of that sort. But whatever men derives in beating women up,, I'm sure the end is not yet in sight for them. But the choice is for every woman to stand up and say NO to this abuse today.


PS: Thank you guys for your advice on my last post. You are all too gbasky...
I didn't do anything after all.. I didn't reply the babe nor discuss with the guy.
I will just left it slide. But I will never touch the guy with along pole. I don't want no drama abegi.. Love you all.

Are You Really Date-able???

There comes a time when most women start to yearn for a dose of happy ever after.. But to me looking for love in the right places,with the right man and with the right attitude and determination is the best way to sustain a happy ever after.

There is only one question to ask yourself when you are looking for this last stop man. Are you date-able? Here are few points to look into.

1. Plan :- The man of your dream won't appear in your doorway. You've got to go out and find him. Don't assume finding him to be magically blend. But it is wise to think of what you want and how to make it work. For instance you should date the kind of man you'd like to marry. Don't waste your time on a man who is not interested in marriage soon.

2. Be open:- Make yourself date-able and available. Then be assertive on what you want. Be confident, be happy and being flirtatious wont hurt either but don't look too predatory. It might be a turn off. Though it might actually attract a man but he probably wont be serious with you.

3. Be approachable:- Let him notice you, make eye contact,you can even pass a comment about his dressing or what have you,men love praises. You've got to let him know you want to talk to him. People don't know how you feel unless you tell them.

4. Don't be to hasty:- Don't allow your determination to find the right person becloud your sense of judgment against his faults or what might not be it. Ask yourself inwardly things that only you can justify and accept. Do I really like him? Can I cope with him? Is he really going to make me happy?. Believe me,you need a guy that you are totally comfortable with.

5. Spark is essential but does not happen every time:-If a man ask you out and you don't like him at first. Give him a chance and think about it. Is not every time you feel a butterfly in your stomach at first sight. You may feel the spark later. However if you cant feel it afterward. Don't force it. It is not him.

6. Just where do we meet our match? The usual notion is online,malls,bars,parties. But our chances are pretty slim. Join dance classes,book club,game club, just anything that involves meeting people with similar interests.In time you will meet someone friendly. However if friendship develops into something more meaningful. That's awesome.

7. However if after you find him. What happen next? How do you turn it into a long lasting relationship that does not have an expiry date?How do you know when the relationship is ripe for marriage or simply put, how do you go about defining when is time,you both want to settle down?. These is where you both have to sit down and discuss. Whats the purpose of the relationship?

8. Don't appear too needy or blab too much about your ex,job,family or money matter though men love honesty and open minded women. But a confident women does it for them. Is not about how much sexy or attractive you look. Is about how you handle yourself when you are together. Every little details counts.

9. If after a year together and you guys are not talking about future,hopes and ambitions,then something is wrong. Do you see any sign of commitment at all? Though sometime,some men don't reveal this,you cant even be able to see him envisioning you as the ideal wife.. They just go with the flow,they might never talk about marriage or you probably feel is not his thing. But that could be wrong. Talk to him and tell him what you want. This is not about forcing him into admittance but sharing your feelings. This might just be the gear he needed. If he feel the same way,you would know. Or isn't that better than investing in a relationship that long without a purpose?


PS: Sorry I have neglected this blog for awhile.. Another passion of mine(Photography) has been running wide with me. How are you all doing? Really missed stalking a few blogs.

What is really in a look?

As the popular saying goes. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." how much of look are we willing to settle for in our wanted quality of a real man or woman? How does look affect our choice in picking the men or women will date or has our better halves?

This has been a great contender in the choice of people we settle for. But to me. Look could be deceptive. Is really what character the person exude that count.

I know of a guy who sent two of his girlfriend's picture to his friends to asked them which of the two girls is beautiful? Comparing a girl he has been dating for some years with the one he just met. In as much as I find that childish and betraying.(Don't get me wrong both babes are beautiful)
I don't believe a guy need to lack so much confidence not to know exactly what he want to be comparing such.But permit me to digress.

Beauty could be important but is not as important as the person behavioral and moral pattern. His or her sense of judgment. A woman may be beautiful but doesn't say she will have brains or otherwise as regards to some men. Some men could be.

Ask me if I'm crazy about look. I'd tell you NO.. But you must really possess other things that must endear you to me. Like being friendly, good personality, good dress sense, humble,respectful,caring and must be worthy of trust. Is not necessary that money should ooze out of you but you must be hard working and comfortable with yourself.

I've dated the so called handsome bloke(s) before but all there to them is troubles and sleepless nights cos they are never faithful. And is not their fault sef cos girls too will not let them rest. But my point is What is really in a look?

Being The Other Woman

Playing a second fiddle is always a tough choice, not to talk of being the other woman with your full awareness that your partner has a prior relationship or married for that matter.

But everybody has their reason for doing these. Some women are desperate in need of a man, so they plunge into the relationship while hoping things will get better. Some even do it to while away the time till they get to see someone worthwhile but believe me most of the time they get stuck emotionally in such relationship despite understanding the heartache that involves..

Nevertheless, you can do better than trying to be the other woman that he can fall back to, you need to do something fast and now. Ditch him. Common you can do better than that. You deserve someone who has his only eyes for you. Always remember that you are the only one that holds the key to your happiness.

Did it ever cross your mind that, if you tell him to leave his gf/wife for you first, before you agreed to date him, do you think he would still be hanging around? You do really need to be honest with yourself and stop playing games with your emotions.

In his mind, he is doing you a favor while trying to make you understand he is the best man for you or that can happen to you. He is just being a man after all. Note that whatever reason he is with you while cheating on her doesn't say he loves you any less because he is with her and not you and no matter what you guys shares together, he still run after her, go home to her, wake up with her. She comes first, so what are you still doing with him?

However, their are few things you need to know on why such relationship is not good for you. Remember he belong to someone else. Whatever he is doing to make you happy, he is just being selfish and cheating you too. He is emotionally not available to you and your needs; you are only forcing it.

If you sit back and let an unavailable guy be everything in your life, you are simply breaking your own heart cos he will never be there for you when you need him. You will end up spending memorable days alone, such as his Birthday, Valentine etc because is his wife will who will be there. You may be lucky though if he can conjure up some lies at home.

What normally disturbed me about this is being played for a fool, how does it sounds setting your heart and mind on a man who knows is not going to be there. But I guess is really a matter of choice cos there are single guys out there who can shower you with unbridled love and affection why waste your emotion on a man who is not all that.

However if you are already in one, please bear in mind the following points.

•Don't rely on playing the second best forever. You too can get the commitment you want elsewhere and be someone's most perfect woman not someone attachment.

•Don’t assumed he will leave the girlfriend/wife for you. The best you could do is wait for him to do that before you start the relationship in the first place with enough proof that he really want to be with you.

•Don't be too available - Don't make him feel as if your world is centre around him. Let him know you can do without him however lonely you are. You can spend time with your family and friends and do things for yourself whenever you feel you need to be alone.

•Don't get too obsess with him or about what he’s up to when his not with you.

•Don't be running after him, you can actually do better than running after a man who is only dishing out to you leftover of his attention.

•Don't get pregnant for him, that will be the worst mistake you ever made if you think he will change his mind and look at you differently, there is absolutely nothing like “making” a man be with you.

•Don’t waste the best years of your life as someone’s side kick. Dump him, you will soon find for yourself a nice, decent, and available man who will see what a great person you are.

My own advice is give yourself an ultimatum and plan your exit. You deserve better. Don’t dwell on the crumbles he is dishing out to you, see beyond him and work on flushing him out of your mind and life but please make sure you don't fall into same trap again. All the best.


PS: Sorry I was away for my exams. I didnt even get the chance to tell anyone. Anyway how are you guys... And by the way,thanks for all your comments on my last post. Miss you..Kisses..Hmmm e-kisses 4 y'all.

Making Love And Relationship Work For You.

Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Elizabeth Browning


People go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others. There is no extra special relationship, none has a rare ability to do better than others. We are all just trying.

And yes we are all differnt in our approach to making it work. Because some go to extra effort to understand, develop and explore what they have. They read books, they investigate, and they put great effort into knowing and understanding what works and what doesn't work for them.They know what is good for them so they consciously feed on it and practice it.

They know there is no limit to the fun, joy excitement and enjoyment they can experience, they understand marriage and relationship cannot be left to mere chances.You really must work on it. They are aware that there are laws governing relationship and the outcome of that results. It is called the law of sowing and reaping. Some people want to sow the wrong things and still expect things to be wonderful, some want to walk in ignorance yet hope things will work out just fine. The truth is you get what you think you deserve.

We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. You must know that the more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.

Though love is a tricky thing. One must distinguish between what the mind says and what the heart says, and then we must decide which to follow. I must point out here that people who listen to their minds consider themselves the wiser ones. But the people who are led by their hearts are the luckier ones. If you look for love, you will find it but if you deliberately look for an obstacle to love, you will also find that too; the choice is yours. But if u painstakinly search for love. You will defintely see that too.

Hoever you must know that there is no limit to the joy, the romance, the victory you can experience. God created every relationship to excel.Work with God and he will show you how. Be ready to learn from others what you don't know. It’s important for you to remain empowered so that you don't make choices out of need or desperation. If you remain empowered enough to claim what’s your’s, remain true to your identity, and advocate for your dreams relentlessly, you will surely get it.

Some points to work on:-

1. You have a great role to play, in bringing out the great potentials within your relationship. You need to know them, develop them and use them to the full.
2. You need to know the importance of self loving, remember loving come from within.
3. You must understand and see love and relationship as they are and not what you what you want them to be.
4. You can never have everything on a platter of gold. Though every person is entitled to chose the path which works for them.
5. You must not lay too much emphases on looks or sex appeal because looks can be deceptives.People only want to see the substances you are made of,not looks without self respect or brain.
6. You should equate loving to happiness, so the more you want to be happy, the more love you should exude.
7. You need to know the importance of setting clear boundaries and when you say NO,meant it. Never settle for less.
8. You must learn to make a good friendship out of your partner,always remember friendship is the food to a good relationship.
9. You must understand and know what you really want out of the relationship.
10. You must always remember that anything worth achieving is worth working for.
11. You get what you believe you deserve. So aim high.
12. You must redefine your self worth and what you stand for
13. You need to know the difference between want and need.
14. You must share same values and ideas,your want,needs and interest must go through one channel.
15.You must make things happpen,bear in mind that wishing for something to happen and working toward making it happen are two different thing. So set the ball rolling.

So the bottom line is that is only you that knows what is good for you and what is not. So make a choice now and start living and loving. And lest I forget always know that there is absolutely joy in loving and being loved in return. Make it work and make it last.

How To Attract The Right Woman!!

You can make a guy like a babe but you cant make a babe like a guy. No matter how the guy tries to win her love if she doesn't like him,then it wont work out.

But never make a mistake of thinking showering a lady gift will make her succumb to you,you will be far,far wrong.

Though gifts do helps in cementing relationship but will never assist you to win a girl's genuine love and affection.
And most guys have this habit of coercing ladies to get into relationship with them,you might be lucky to get her at the long run but my advice is don't force it as a woman knows if she really want a guy the moment she sees him.

Most women plays by their own rule-Their ideal man or their wanted quality. Though you might also be lucky to get them change this but believe me it has to worth their while forget about money in this context.

Money can never be prerequisite to love. Most time love is what all there is to it.
Though there is nothing wrong when a girl wants little money. But as long as she doesn't get comfortable with the habit.

Here are few point to note:
*Women want a man who knows what he want.
*Women need a man who have self confidence, a man who is more comfortable with himself..
*Women want a trustworthy man,honesty is the key.

*Women want a romantic guy who excite and intrigue them all the time.

*Women want a good looking,neat and attractive guy,he doesn't necessarily have to be handsome.
*Women want a hardworking guy.

*Women love an intelligent guy.

*Women appreciate a man who listen and communicate with them even if it is sweet nonsense they have to say.

*Women want commitment and attention,a man who attend to their emotion and sexual need.

*Women admire a man who respect and value them.

*Women love a man who doesn't take her for granted when flirting with other babes.This something men can't do without but if you do such don't ever let her get wind of it.

Relationship....Are You Looking For A New Love?

Many People do not know that its always better to be alone than be in bad relationship every now and then, but life has a way of making one change his/her minds from unwanted thoughts.

And as long as one craved for a company, guys will always be guys,(hmm point of correction people will always be what they wanna be) You can either play desperate to them or play hard to get, they knew what you want and they know what to say if they must get at you.And once they know u are desperate in finding love, dating, marriage or what have you..they will treat you as they deem fit.
If a man is as good as he says, he'll romance you by every means he knows how to win you over.And if is a woman..she will flirt and seduce you until she get what she want....Nothing is guaranteed!!

See you might probably have been hurt before and in your mind's eye,every man/woman are the same, but you will never find out unless you give it a short.Also learn to be friends first for along while without promising anything.So if you find out that it wont work.There shouldn't be anything too tight in your gut;in relieving yourself from unwanted situation

I've learned that:

* Become friends first, and then if you both feel like you want more... then small steps, one-at-a-time, no rush! If its REAL, it will happen.

* Friendship is a good thing to build a relationship on, once you have a good foundation, you build on it. ...Never letting go of that friendship because that's what started it all. I've found out that what you do need to look out for,Is someone that you are comfortable with.Trust,love,faithfulness,sincerity etc will be earn along the way.

* One don't need to rush love... it'll happen when you least expect it...Just take that time in finding it.

* Date for a while and learn about one another. Past, present and future thoughts.

* Compromise if you must, everyone has to compromise a little. But with little sacrifices that we make both party happy.
....You cant possibly get everything on a platter of gold.Most times, you do really need to compromise.
I have always been someone that wont trade my wanted quality for anything.But after seeking fruitlessly. I found out that I do need to bend a little.

* Then make the best of the relationship; finding the perfect match for oneself is not easy because if it was easy finding a good person everyone would have one... Some people settle for less... the wise ones are picky, and choose someone who as beautiful inside as they are outside... Somehow everything works out in this world, just the way we want it to be, some good/some not as good. We choose our own paths, make our way. Its just life... Be what you want to be, don't let anyone hold you back.

Above all you need to check yourself too,maybe the problem might even be from your side,maybe you are not yet ready to give up your freedom and singleness.. I know there is a pot for every lid..someone is out there for everyone... One just need to find it patiently.
So my dear.That's what I have discovered about relationship and finding new relationship.Hope you find some point in it.

NB: I posted these on Facebook long ago and it add mad comments,will find time to upload them in here sometimes soon.

Sex and Love making ...

Gone are those days when everyone's notion about sex was is for reproduction.Now people enjoy sex for various reasons.Though relationship is not based on sex but its proved that 70% of the stimulus in a good relationship depend on eroticism. Sex is the pivot on which a relationship rotates.But should not be the basic.

Love making ought to be like food. Not something anyone rush into. Just like you take every minute detail in preparing your delicacy so also should sex. I mean love making because sex and love making quite differs.

Most men mistake having sex with making love. While having sex is the act of sharing pleasure with your partner,making love is the emotional act of loving and adoring your partner,women appreciate lots of kissing,cuddling,romancing,foreplay than just climbing,pour and roll off.

Which is very bad. A good guy that knows his onions should always ensure that his partner also get there if not reach orgasm. But most of the time we are all guilt of this offense. Most especially guys. The babe might still be patient enough for the guy to cum no matter how long it takes him to reach there.

Most women, do not even get to cum, they just pretend,some even go as far as faking orgasm just to make make their guy happy and boost his ego. But it really be shouldn't about that. Not every woman can achieve orgasm,we shouldn't pretend rather we should crave it and work towards having one. Though sexual satisfaction can happen with or without it. Also men should learn how to make their woman satisfy and should resist tiredness,weakness and sleep.. Sex ought not to be a one-sided thing.

Also women should tell their man what they really want or not. There is nothing wrong in showing him where you love to be touch. You could try non-verbal clues can also help him to know what you want. Such as gently pushing his hand,mouth or what have you to the spot you'd love to feel him. But truly most women rather shy on bed, especially Nigerian women,they are always afraid of what the men will think of them if they offer too much but I bet you, guys don't really enjoy a woman who just sleep like a log of wood. They want to see some sensuality oozing out of their woman. They'd want to know what you feel with the way you move,groan and moan or even scream.

Sexual intercourse is a serious business meant for adult and married couples..So you both should work at what make you feel comfortable and happy. But be careful and be protected always.

Valentine Day....

Valentine day is around the corner again..Though for me is just not valentine day, is my Birthday as well..Double celebration huh.. So be saving up for my gift(s)


But the question is:-

Do you get excited for Valentine's Day or do you totally dread it?

What would be the dream gift you'd like to receive this year?