Funny Memories From The Past

>>>>I remembered when I was like five years and in a nursery school, A bike rider hit me one day on our way back from school. We used to do hide and seek(We: i mean my twin,step brother and other classmate that stays within our street) On that faithful day, Everyone has crossed the street before me,so as usual I recite my "Look right,look left,look right again before you cross the road) Till today I still dey talk say that phrase is very wrong,cos what about the second "Look right again" Cos that day,when I finished the phrase, I made for the other side of the road,the next thing i heard is Gbooosah. I still walked home that day by myself but popsy hurriedly rushed me to the clinic after setting the Bike man free. But the gave me 2face cos my other face bruised so badly and when it became healed,on side of my face was dark and the other was light,my siblings used to make jest of me then.

>>>>(You must have read this on JDB blog b4). I almost entered 419 trap one day and till today I still can't rmb what made me followed the guy to their meeting place.
When we got there I met two other women(Na mama dem be o) and another guy and they told me about the stuffs they need money to clear at the port,they even showed me some Ghana must go bags..But they didn't open it sha.

So they brought one calabash,say make we swear that I won't tell any other person and if I do, I will die.....So we all drank from the calabash

So they asked me to go and bring money or gold anything valuable that we can turn into cash. That we'll make lots of money and from the proceed I can returns all those stuffs back. So one of them accompanied me to the bus stop, So when I got back home... I was truly looking for money.. I checked mummy's wardrobe looking for money and valuables. It was my twin brother that shook me out it. And he was like why are you scattering Mummy's things,what are you looking for?

I told him,I cant tell him. Then he locked the wardrobe and kept the key. So I started dragging it with him (If you had seen me that day, you would have known am on a mission). So I started harassing him to give me the key,so he went to report me to our Big brother. So he asked me. What are you looking for? I said money, he dipped his hand in his pocket and gave me N50. I rejected it. that I needed something bigger than that. He asked me again For what? I was looking at the ground. Talk to me,what do you need money for?
I told him I cant tell him,he asked my twin to go and he began to queried me. not knowing what to say anymore.. I burst into tears, that I will die, if I tell him.
To cut the long story short. I told him oooo...And till today my siblings still make jest of me( I'm going to die if I tell u)But this is me still writing here oo.. I no die ooh gbam.

>>>> Another is when we were still in the Nursery school, popsy used to give us 5kobo stipend,most of the time,we don't get to spend it. So one day, after school,we were having lunch, mumsy used to leave our lunch separately,but trust us the three musketeers,we will turn all the food together in a bowl and start eating together(Mostly is rice anyway). So that faithful day, I kept my 5kobo underneath the bowl of rice, so when I went to get water, my twin brother took it,when I remembered, I started looking for it. My step brother gave him away. So I went after him in mad fury. He gave me the coin back. But guess what I did with it naughty me. I kept the coin on my own side of the place inside the rice. By the time we finished eating, everybody has forgotten about the coin. So I started looking for it again. When everyone realized that I had swallowed the money(cos i don't chew rice, I swallow). SO they ran in panicked to tell popsy again. I was rushed to the clinic again.. But was able to get the coin out later,but could dare not touch it..(U know what I mean)LOL

>>>> Is wondering what is it about cigarette.So one day,we bought a stick of cigarette and we all ran up stair with our neighbors. We light the cigarette and we all took a puff each,coughing as we pass the stick around all five of us.. Then someone caught us in the act. We all got six stroke of the cain each in our butt.

>>>>Another funny episode was between me and my twin brother, both of has the knack for having this funny fight where he won't let my hand be the last on him and me sef won't allow his to be last on me. So that faithful morning we were at it again and in a bid not to let my hand last on his body, he ran out of the room only to collide with my sister that was bringing in hot tea for breakfast. I pity him small sha..But I had the last laugh that day and since then,he no dey joke with me again.

>>>> Later we soon found ourselves in a boarding our for our primary school education. In the female hostel, we used to have this mini dramas, where we play Father and mother between ourselves. We used to do daddy and mummy having sex in the night. Girl on top of girl,rubbing our little bodies together. Imagine with our koko pointed breast...

>>We also used to cook rice in an empty tin of powder milk,bournvita etc,then we use pepper and tomatoes that we steal from the school garden and oil from the dinning kitchen.

>>Popsy maternal Aunt used to visit us in school back then cos she stay in the town. May her soul rest in perfect peace. She used to bring stuffs for us especially food. She used to cook Rice and Yam together and is always sweet o,but we don't like it,trust our hostel mates,they are always expecting that Old woman more than us cos we are always giving it out.

>>And wait for this, we used to make cake with Garri,bournivita,milk,sugar,gogo(smarties)on our birthday.It used to be sweet. Contact me if u want a cake like that.(Damn I cant but laugh whenever I think of this)

>>>>More in boarding house. There was a day I was in the toilet(Our toilet was outside the hostel)So that faithful afternoon,we were having siesta, so I took permission to go the toilet. As I started my mission, I was looking down at the long thing coming out of my yansh and praying it should not break(Na tush pit toilet oh before you start to dey run ur mouth). So I looked up, guess what was facing me. A very big SNAKE, laid coiled up in front of me and looking at me. How and when the snake got there I didn't know. I stood still,even the excrete refuse to come out or cut off sef. I started sweating profusely. I was so much afraid. And I cant even run cos the snake has block the door way. As luck would have it. The snake just turn and crawled away. (Don't ask me if I wait to finish my mission in the toilet oh or even clean up sef).. I ran into the hostel through the backdoor shouting snake..snake..snake.. Everybody in the hostel ran out through the front door.(Even the house mistress fled too) It was really a mad day.

Letter to PHCN

September 15, 2008
The Area Manager,
NEPA,
Lagos


Dear Sir,
COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR SERVICES
I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area in Lagos .

As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive to their responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not what your country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."

I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decided to give back.

I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2 weeks, electricity has been stable. In other words, we sleep and wake up with electricity, we go to work and come back and electricity is still running. This is a terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are not used to. This is too much electricity for us to handle. In the first week of constant electricity, I started acting strangely. I ironed all my clothes because I didn't know when "light" will be impounded on your orders. After 2 days, the "light" was still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My fridge which had not seen "4 hours" of constant light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge. After 10 minutes, the water cools and I drink. I just don't know what to do. All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on alongside my AC. My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of constant "light". My TV and VCD player are complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked in the last few weeks. Half of my light bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complaining that the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth. Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find it easier to track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight.

All the witches and wizards that regularly visited me in my sleep have suddenly taken flight in the presence of "light". Now I have to review my membership of MFM ( Mountain of Fire and Miracles) since their work has been done. Can you imagine what will happen to the membership of churches if constant 'light' persists? No more demons meaning No more offerings.

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when I realised that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going wrong / right in our country. Our elections were sabotaged, our president's health is being sabotaged, Obama's chances of becoming the American President are being sabotaged by Nigerians. Therefore this constant "light" is the handiwork of saboteurs within your work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progress who want you miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I realised this fact when I stumbled on a document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month. These are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and balcony-bedrooms

2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight, generators, inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least 16 hours at work because there is no light at home

4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endless sound of generators that are switched on overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged by ceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in Naming ceremonies: When people have no light at home, what else do they do with their time other than *******?


Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if we keep on having "light". The saboteurs in your workplace will make you look stupid and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now. As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realise that I have been enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 black months. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't. This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in the day of recompense.

Your humble servant

Myself