True Love Letter from the Archives | The beginning...

Of so many good things that I have and which means more to me that I
can say. I’m so pleased I know you in the first place and since love
is fondness between two hearts and two heart are the heart that
cares, cherish, trust, love and understand one another. Am so much
filled with contentment that I have you…

I wonder what you’re doing right now. I wonder what you’re thinking,
could you be thinking of me too? There’s not a day you don’t fill my
mind, my heart, and my soul with happiness these days. Thinking to
myself I exercise my mind further, wondering if you’re the one… and I
pray wholehearted that it is you that I’ve been waiting for all my
life.

You sent me mind bulging text, you call me on phone, my heart beats
with yours even from a distance because we were the same you and I…
We talk about ourselves, sharing the UP’s and Down’s of the road
we’ve chosen, the baby we need to nurse, I love to listen to you just
talk, gawd! I could listen to you forever and a day because I find
you interesting in so many ways the way you speak,
the sound of your voice, the brightness in your eyes and your
beautiful cheerful smile that says so much.

I enjoy the times we shared together and not even have to speak.
It’s then that am sure you are the one I’ve looked for all my life.
It is the way you hold me when we are close. It is the way your hands
touch my face or caress my hair and naughty you, the way you sniff
me. The soft tender kisses I adore, and the way you seem to love me
so completely I’ll never be able to tell you how you make feel so
complete cos each minute I spent with you bring it’s own
fulfillment. I know no matter how hard I tried to show you that I
love You, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to totally express it as
I have it in my mind.

Your laugh just opens my world completely, anything that was
occupying my thoughts vanish. If you truly understand my love for you
then you’d know my love you will never have to search for it again. I
think you know, and I am amazed at how you show it in return. People
speak of love in many ways. We love family and friends in one way. We
love each other in such a more intimate way. Lovers in love … Is there
anything better?

Those little jest we made on the phone after I left the café touched
and I’d wanna talk to you 4ever on the phone if we are not going to
incur huge bills on your company’s phone. We choose to meet and from
the moment I meet you face/face, really I couldn’t say what I feel,
maybe I like you, maybe I don’t, I really can’t say. So we gist, is
as if we known all this while, we got to know much about one another.


Then you said you don’t want to toast me oh, but you did anyway and
am so glad you did cos I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I lost you
for anything in this world, remember you said if I wanna be your girl
I should give you a hug and if it is otherwise… then I did cos I
really want you too, I’d give hug you as we enveloped into a lovers
embrace that personifies an honest and true love, lips touching,
setting our souls on fire. I breathe in your aroma, tingling my
senses as my heart beat. You know I could just hold
onto you forever and just be… (Hey me at Obalende bus –stop kissing
someone…) laugh, so far am with you, yeah I will do anything for you.
That’s what you do to me my love.

As the minutes stretched into hours, hours into day, I know you
really meant a lot to me, is something I hold to heart, I’d look
forward to sharing my days with you, hanging around, just being
beside you, either while we lay kissing…saying sweet nothing to
each other, just breathing the same air or doing funny and crazy
things.

Yester-night made me loves you the more and as I make myself comfy in
your company. Our hungry mouths part slightly to invite exploring
tongues, wrapped in a wetness brought on by an insatiable desire to
taste one another, Mmmmm… Hands playfully in one another’s as we kiss
in short bursts, smiling in between. You kiss my smile as my eyes
close and the tenderness of your soul touches my soul once again.
Our embrace now is more like entangled snakes in a frenzy trying to
mate one another, romantic but instinctively right, really you first
said that you’re not going to do it but like I’ve said earlier I would
have rape if you had not…then you go down on me. Wow..the excitement still linger on and on every time I remember that, (even as I write now) I feel the burning sensation
still running through me.

You lay on my chest; tracing your finger on the outlines of my face
and kissing my now closed eyes as I sigh… have I ever told you that you
are great? Yes you are.

Fingers running through my hair, you know how to calm me darling. I’d
admired your kind and soothing touch, you know…
We moved to our sides, close as it can be. Legs crisscrossed into one
another without a thought as your hand caresses my skin.

The moments we shared yester-night is undeniably the best I’ve known,
is it the best you’ve known too? Hardly a word is spoken, only a
faint whisper, “ I love you” or a sigh of passion escaping in a
breath. We breathe the same air, our eyes deeply peering into the
others. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I’m
inclined to believe that cos I see so much in your eyes my love and I
would die if you ever decide to leave me all by myself.

Seun what do I do to have you for the rest of my life? What? I
thought this is even lust or what do we call it; I’ve never heard
this before but of course! There is love at first sights? But don’t
really know what to call ours, I even thought that if you traveled
that am gonna forget about you and that I may realize that I didn’t
love you after all but I missed you greatly, so much it hurts and I’d
realized that wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here
waiting for you cos we got something true…real and I prayed that we
should have ourselves for life.

Hey, I remember an old poem of mine… “Is there really a true love?
Maybe yes, perhaps not! … Behold
If you are wealthy and there I come, saying am truly in love with you,
may be am truly in love with your fat wallets
If you are dashing, handsome and I say am truly in love with you,
perhaps I’m truly charmed with your charming look.
If you are a genius and I say am truly in love with you, I might just
as well mean that am truly in love with your ingenuity.
If you are young, ambitious, well focused and purposeful and I say am
truly in love with you, maybe am in love with your fame.”
is their really true love? Yes Sean with you there is…

I wonder where you’ve been all my life? And most of the time, am
afraid too, yeah afraid if you will decide one day to leave me, you
might think am nut, do you know why the questions seem to occupy my
mind cos it has happened before and I don’t want to regret ever
meeting you or making love with you too soon but sometimes that’s the
way it is, how much of the passion can we sustain, will you ever get
tired of me?

I dreamt about us yester-night..and in my dream…you asked if I’d like
to take a walk with you, I smile…Our hands clasped, marching in tune
with our steps like a military parade, it just natural. We do silly
things to throw one another off balance, giggling like two teenage
lovers. Our shadows follow close behind, holding hands like us. We
smile as we both glance at the same moment to see, Each other…

The day is warm and being with you now can it get any better?
I think not (I murmur to myself)…
Children play as we walk by; they stop long enough to gaze at us
being in Love. It must really show, like an aura, only children and
old folks see. We kiss during mid-stride and while hearing young
kids giggling and covering their mouths; we wink at one another. The
little boys cringing at the thought of kissing a girl, as the young
princesses are in their own little world daydreaming of a love like
this one-day…

Most times, I wonder why two strange heart meet to fall so deeply in
love? In my search I found out, that’s just the way it’s is, from
small beginning to great ending, some relationships grow people into
one that make a difference, others don’t have that high of
expectations even as lovers. I’ve learn a lot of things cos I’ve been
through thick and thin and I have got burn out a lot in relationship
that I don’t even think I’ve got time to dabble into it.

Really before I met you I’ve always think maybe am not cut out for
relationship, and I’d tried to be on my own cos it better to be alone
than be in bad relationship every now and then, but life has a way of
making one change his/her minds from unwanted thoughts. And as long
as one craved for a company, guys will always be guys, you can either
play desperate to them or play hard to get, they knew what you want
and they know what to say if they must get at you.
If a man is as good as he says, he'll romance you by every means he
knows how to win you over. Nothings guaranteed!!

Dearie, am not only happy that I got you but my mind is at rest now,
I don’t know how it happened, and if I die any moment from now, I
will be fulfilled, yeah I will, cos am truly in love and loved.
I know my life has not been the same again ever since, you make me
so happy, that’s why I look at you sometime, and wish if I could just
be in your arms forever.

As the sun sets over the mountains our souls are not so obvious
behind us now, but there with us nevertheless, we just know!
We stroll along pointing out cool things others have done to beautify
their homes. One day we’ll have our own (I smile inside)…
The way we compliment one another in so many ways makes us the
perfect match. Everything we see, do or try were always thinking
about the other somehow. Am so happy cos I knew my days, weeks…year
with you will be wonderful from now on, I see many more in our
future. Growing old together… Mmmmm… a nice thought!

You walk me home to the door. As a proper gentleman would, you kiss
me goodnight, wishing me the sweetest dreams. We hold onto one
another like the first time, spending another 20min. Embraced in Love
again.
Again I breathe you in, taking you deep into my soul, ever so deep.
You’re the Gladiator of my heart, lifelong guarding it from harm. I
love you Seun, yes I do… just bear it in mind that I love you well
enough and that why am inviting you to my world, sharing my heart
with you…




PS... Well what does it seem guys? Is Spicycafe really back with writing? Maybe yes...perhaps no. But I thought I'd share this with you. Who knows she maybe back. Keep a tab. Thank you.

Au Revoir



Hi peeps...

Its been a really long while. Anyway just want to check out properly instead of being mute all this while. Time however does not permit me to keep up to this passion of mine.Hence my closing shop(lol).

I'm closing this up with no regrets behind, simply bcos I've got some other great challenge/passion to take up. It has being a honour being here and meeting all of you.
And while you are it. You can keep up with me on this links:
SpicyInc PhotoBlog
Facebook Personal Profile
SpicyInc Facebook Fan Page

The Art of Giving

Emerson said
"Rings and jewels are not gifts,
but apologies for gifts.
The only true gift is a portion of thyself."

Providing for people in need is a way of giving thanks for what we have been given. It's like silently saying,God has blessed me and he has asked me to share that with you. If we are generous,God will return the favor. When we sow, we scatter God's blessings for growth.

When we reap,we harvest those blessings. Reaping and sowing are a unified,continuous process that requires a diligent and on going obedience to God. When you are obedient and share what you have with others, you will be provided with all you need, every time you need it. When you give cheerfully and unselfishly,you are demonstrating your faith. And the hearts of those you touch, even with the smallest kind of gestures, in turn you will be blessed as they give thanks to God for your kindness and obedience.

When we don't spend, how can you ever receive? Is like holding something in your palm and folding your palm,how can anything else come in into your palm? When you don't open the palm? But note, the art of giving goes beyond monetary values. The art of giving start from the art of kindness,love,compassion etc even to respecting people. You can never be respected if you don't exude that yourself. Likewise
Just think about it.



The Art of Giving
From The Art Of Living By Wilferd A. Peterson

We give of ourselves when
we give gifts of the heart:
love, kindness, joy, understanding,
sympathy, tolerance, forgiveness.

We give of ourselves when
we give gifts of the mind:
ideas, dreams, purposes, ideals,
principles, plans, inventions, projects, poetry.

We give of ourselves when
we give gifts of the spirit:
prayer, vision, beauty, aspiration,
peace, faith.

We give of ourselves when
we give the gift of words:
encouragement, inspiration, guidance.

Ps: Make sure you give out something today.
Cheers and lots of love

7 Tips to Maintaining A New Relationship

By Spicytee Taiwo Orimadegun

Starting a new relationship make you feel new, happy, tense and optimistic all together. We are haunted by fear and insecurity if is ever going to work our or if we are good enough. Sometimes we let our imperfections get in the way. We ask ourselves myriads of questions. Is he going to like my bulging stomach, when I'm naked or complains that I snore or eat too much. But who says your new boyfriend doesn't have his own?

New relationship actually involves more than the uproar of yes I've got her now. I found him at last. It entails some things that we often neglect. Here are some tips to help you on a level footing in your new relationship.

1. Be friends first and Spend time together.

Friendship is a good thing to build a relationship on, once you have a good foundation, you build on it. New relationship need time to grow. You need to spend time together to analyze yourself and determine if truly you want to be together. Sometimes we need to know where the relationship is heading, but just spending quality time together.

2. Be sure to have good communication.

For a relationship to survive it must have a solid foundation and how do we achieve that. Communication? Tell them things about you; reveal new things about you that you know your partner will love as you get along. This way gets to know and understand each other.

3. Be comfortable and natural with you.

Don't try to be what you are not, don’t pretend to be nicer, and don’t pretend to like things he /she like. Don’t encourage tag-along. You should do things together that are both pleasing to both parties, not forcing them to like what you enjoy. Do have your own opinion about things when you want. Also don't spend too much money or be too critical. Just be you. Let your partner see the real you. And a candid advice to the ladies- Well make ups is nice but don't let tones of make up define who you are. try being natural once in a while. Your guy will not only see a new side of you, he will love you for just being you.

3. Carry on with your Life.

Meeting someone new does not necessarily say, you should not continue being yourself. Many of us are guilty of this. When we find new love, we neglect our friends, family, just because we want to spend quality time with our partner. And this is bad. For your relationship to survive you have to balance everything. Continue doing what you do before she or he tagged along. You need to show him/her that you are independent and remember you must be happy with yourself first, be confident.

4. Bring up issues you don't like.

Believe me, most of the things that often lead to break ups or arguments are things we have seen in the early stage of the relationship but we seldom raise because we are afraid to tell our partner or you consider them trivial. However these patterns build up over the time. So I advice you say your mind because if it happens repeatedly and you continue to keep mute, he/she will continue the behavioural pattern... But you can change it now, just be courteous and gentle in the manner you bring it out.

5. Respect

Respect each other’s time and privacy. Give him your attention, give him air to breath. But maintain your cool and don't be too clingy. Don't be overtly jealous. Is sometimes a turn off. If begin to get unnecessarily possessive, that's a relationship killer. Find things to occupy your mind and take things easy. Simply give your relationship the proper space it needs to grow.

6. Share Same Interest.

And having similar goals and dreams will also help you guys to grow. Be genuinely curious about what make your partner tick and happy and tap into whatever makes you complete with him. This will not alone help in cementing your relationship. It bring you closer to each other.

7. Be adventurous.

Variety does not mean another guy or girl. Have fun with each other while you are still dating and more when you take it further with romance and making love. Tell your partner what you like sexually. Be direct, yet gentle. It helps both of you to understand how your body works and what makes you happy and satisfy.I hope you find this helpful. Till next time. Keep smiling and loving.

It's time to get your bling on...

Image
Excuse while 'eye' bling...
Bling is a new age name given to 'big' fashionable sparkles. It originally referred to Diamonds and Diamond encrusted fashion items. Over the years, bling has been accepted as standard nomenclature for accessories made from other precious stones, including Sapphires, Rubies, Swarosvski Crystals and more.



Hip hop influenced the Bling craze heavily when rappers, who, upon gaining celebrity status, displayed their fashion tastes, style sense and success with heavy gold chains/medallions and diamond encrusted jewelry. Though they put bling to some creative use, some of what they do with it border on the outrageous; I do not think I would want to wear jewelry on my teeth.

Bling has found it's way into student's list of fashion items. These days, "you ain't got style if you don't wear bling." They rock it as earrings, bracelets, hair accessories, neck-chains, pendants, belts, rings, watches big enough to be wall clocks, etc. Bling is so much desired that some spend all their pocket money to get it. Those who can't afford the real thing make do with some very cheap and low grade jewelry just to 'get their shine on.'

Image
Phone and Footwear bling by If-Raim


The Bling-Bling revolution has tremendously changed our fashion sense while influencing our street style too. The bling craze has become a hot fashion trend and people have been absolutely taken by the whole trend that they use it anywhere and everywhere. Bling has come to signify uniqueness in style and individual expression. Bling provide a modern and funky look. Anyway you look at it, its your style.

*'if-Raim' is a London based Fashion company with it's own fashion brands. The company also runs it's own fashion consulting firm that deals in Personal styling and Personal shopping services. Most related to the topic of Bling is a service rendered which is a range of Customized Fashion brand ranging from Jewelry, to Clothing, Footwear to Accessories all beautifully and creatively encrusted with Swarovski Crystals. The good news is if-R-aim is coming to your's truly "Nigeria" this very year! So for all the bling loving fashionistas out there, WATCH THIS SPACE!

11 Reasons He Dumped You



I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following as the most common breakup reasons:

* He changed
* We weren't compatible
* He cheated on me

When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "no" with "because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming. So, here are mine:

I Got Bored: I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is (Wikipedia):

"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."

My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.

One of Us Was Too Serious: This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her once a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.

Burnout: I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: Being exclusive, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Ok, we did it...so now what?"

I Was Tempted To Cheat: I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.

All My Friends Broke Up With Their Girlfriends: This is by far the most immature reason on this list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching "The Devil Wears Prada," my newly single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.

Divergent Lives: If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.

Feeling Selfish: Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and yourself up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.

I "Misread" My Feelings: This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake—you get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason, dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.

My Friends Or Family Didn't Like Her: I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.

I Took Her For Granted: Great relationships should be easy, but there has to be some tension too—especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.

She Was Too Negative: All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?

What reasons have guys used to break up with you, and which make you most angry? What reasons have caused you to break up with guys? Which reasons do you think are the most common cause of breakups- do they differ for guys and women?

PS: I saw this on Shine.Yahoo By Rich Santos and Marie Claire.

PSS: Image by http://carnivalofidiots.blogspot.com


This is a good read. Let me know what you guys think?

Female Abuser

He is a great provider, he makes sure you don't lack anything, he is great in bed and the kind of man you love. But he is abusive towards female.. Will u go ahead and still married him..

Friends Are Important,What Kind of Friends Do You Have?


I've learned that all a person has in life is family and friends. If you lose those, you have nothing, so friends are to be treasured more than anything else in the world. -- Trey Parker and Matt Stone.


I was on my sick bed when the news got to me that their is a new comer in our class who is so arrogant ,proud and very pretty and everyone is planning a showdown for her. I took is all in as if I wasn't listening. I got well soon and I resumed back to classes and that’s when I saw her. She was tall and has a thin body that tapered down to straight long legs as well as a long jet black hair, what made me jealous about her was a moist eyes. I watched as she answered marathon of questions from Mr. Olatunji, our class teacher. Isn't she beautiful?. I muttered inwardly. She was very smart too and she hardly look like a new comer at all. She was very free.

The second day, she came up to me and asked if I was a newcomer. And I told her I was not and I asked why she want to know. She told me because she has been in the school for almost two weeks and has never seen me before, plus I was quite. Yes I was a quite girl. I don't talk in class, don't answer question except our class teacher call out my name. And whenever the bell rang for any of the breaks or back to my hostel. I just walked diligently. My hostel mates are so mean that I hardly cross their path. So I keep to myself all the time always and the junior ones look at me with inferior eyes because I was so gentle in fact very frail that when I asked them to do something for me is either with a tip or when I threatened to repost them to the house mistress where as my class mates would only call once and they will come running helter-skelter.

Days passed by and we became friends. I mean the newcomer and I. her name is Rakiyat, our friendship was so strong that my hostels mates became jealous and they started harassing me because I make friend with an enemy they loathed so much. But I was past caring. I ventured ahead with my friendship with her. And she helped me in a great way to overcome my fears.

Rakiyat was a nice girl, we became best of friends, we were like a unit, stronger, wittier and more attractively combined. We study together, play together, eat together etc. But after three years, we parted amidst tears.

On looking back on my life and what our friendship has impacted in me. I realized a lot of what she has instilled in me. Rakiyat thought me how to stand for myself, she counter my shyness and broke me out of my confining nature. I learn how to trust myself and whatever change am going through. And those time whenever I told her that someone is bullying me, harassing me or anything of the sort, she will take me to the person and made me fight my own battle. She taught me to be one step ahead and never to rely on anyone and urge me to handle my own problems in life with certain maturity. she made me a good student who stood up in class and answer questions in the class even if she stand to be corrected. She also thought me how to challenge myself as life is a learning curve.

Many years have passed; we exchanged gifts, letters and pictures. She sent hers too but thanks to Nipost, I never receive hers. And every now and then when I think of her, I tried to imagine what she's look like now. But all I have at my disposal is that jet black hair, long legs, moist eyes and I wonder would they still be the same? And I remembered her tear stained face as we parted 15 years ago.

I believed friends enclose us like a pair of parenthesis, each one of them knows us differently, each sustain us in a different ways. I am who I am because my friendship keep on growing and I pick my friend because of things we can share together. Values we can add to one anothers and not because of who they are. Though that's important too.

Why is it that we need friendship? To me friends are rare jewels, they make you smile and encourage you to succeed, they inspire you, lend a listening ear, they offers their shudders in time of need, they open their hearts willingly and selflessly. Though we have fair weather friends too, they are only there when things are rosy, immedietaly things are bad, they are no where to be found.
Here is to the nights that turned into mornings and the friends that turned into family. What kind of friends do you have?


PS: This is an old note that I published in a magazine wayback..Just love to share it here. I have since made contact with her and weive hooked up like twice. Anyway to all my friends, I love you all. You've all been great part of my life in your own unique ways.

Pss: I have a new phot blog; http://spicyinc.blogspot.com/ Check it out and let me know what you feel, comments, criticism and ideas are welcome. Thanks

Whats Wrong in Being Single-Ish???

No doubt, being in a loving relationship has its own mutual benefits. Someone there for you at all times, talk to you, laugh with you, feel their warmth at night, makes you feel loved, especially paying you attention , satisfies your sexual desires and compliments you in every way possible.

People always tend to think that being in a relationship make you feel normal. In fact society expects everyone to be in a relationship, and probably get married (before the age of 30) people still ask why you are still single? at a certain age. They portray it
as not been "normal.” But to each his or her own, being single does not mean one is lonely. It is by choice and circumstance in most cases. It’s either a state where we hope to meet the right person or just decide to be alone when the right person does not come alone. Some of us confuse loneliness with the act of being single. They are quite different. Loneliness can be depressing and painful, but being single can also is pleasant.

Although being single can be frustrating, most of the time, you sit down and wallow in self pity and ask yourself questions that you don't readily have answers to. Why me? Is there something about me? Who is really the perfect match for me? Will I ever get married? Where did I go wrong? Sometimes we even chastise ourselves. Have I missed my best opportunity with the last person that doesn't work out? Maybe I 'm too choosy. Maybe I have very high expectations.

Majority of us hate being single because a lot of things remind us how bad being single is. We always have our hopes high every year that it will be different. There is a lot of discrimination against single people everywhere. At the restaurant, hotels and especially at work, the singles are the most used employees. Married employees always have the reason to get away from work. (I've got to pick my wife at the airport, my wife is ill, my child's graduating tomorrow.

You don't even get to see your parents or spend special times with them. And to cap it all, every single move or conversation by a single person will raise eyebrows and everyone will be quick to remind you of
the fact that John is married and Vivian is engaged. Ade has two kids" just as soon they hear you talking to a married person.
The absolute truth is that you can never make a success of any relationship without being single for sometime. Being single allows us to have fun with ourselves and taking full responsibility of our actions, and motivating ourselves. It make us understand who we are, what we want, what we do, what and who we love and our expectations from the next relationship we hope to get into.

It empowers our minds, give a thought about our wants and grieve over past relationships gone sour. Being single allow us to be comfortable and being on our own for a while. Likewise, being single forces you to do things for yourself. There are many things you can enjoy while being single. Make new friends; go on dates, parties, travel and generally having a good time as best as you can. There are times too that you are in a relationship that you wish you are single too especially when you are in a bad relationship or marriage. When single, you can go out on dates with your girlfriend or boyfriends and have fun without worrying about a jealous lover. You can watch movies till late in the night, hang out with your girlfriend’s even wink to a guy of your fancy in the bar and you have no one to chastise you.

Nevertheless whatever reasons that is making you stay single, enjoy it and always remember that is better being alone than being in bad relationship.

PS: Adapted from my write-up for Lechic Fashion & Lifestyle Magazine
http://www.lechics.com/dating/dating.php
http://lechics.com/

Women-Battery..What do you have to say???

Marriage/relationship is not intended to be a prison but a base, a safe haven for commitment, contentment, consolation, and tranquility. If it turns out to be an arena for discontentment, abuse, strife, battery or depression then it is failing to fulfill its proper purpose.

The phenomenon of women-batter is an abuse of men who beat their women only because they are either drunk, brutal by nature or just in a bad temper.

Men who behave like tyrants in the home; who assert his rule in an arbitrary or violent manner, are usually the weak ones who are actually suffering from hidden inferiority complex and are afraid of being shown up a mentally or morally inferior to their wife and at times insecurity could lead to it too.

A man does not need to assert himself over his woman or be on the defensive against her to correct a wrong or mistake she might have made.

But men believe they could hold the right and obligation that is woman is created at their mercy and should be contented with whatever treatment they metes out to them as their whims and fancy dictates.

Think about it, this thing start from when they are young, they first start by slapping their girlfriend, pushing her around, then they hit you really bad. Yes we still love them. Sometimes is bad enough that you can't even leave them,walk away without them getting more brutal with you.

I have left a guy before because of this. And when he came calling to beg me. The feelings of what he has done to me before won't let me take me back. I remember the way he beat locked the door on me,beat me with a belt and pet me afterward and the aggressiveness began. The thought can never get out of my mind till today after five years. And this was because he was just insecure,he was afraid of losing me and only want to prove a point to me which was on the reverse case for me. But I digress,another topic,another day, in fact I'm writing a book on that.

Anyway, I believe their ways you can talk to your woman without getting violence. Though I know some men still knows how to get at their woman without beating her up, shouting on her or anything of that sort. But whatever men derives in beating women up,, I'm sure the end is not yet in sight for them. But the choice is for every woman to stand up and say NO to this abuse today.


PS: Thank you guys for your advice on my last post. You are all too gbasky...
I didn't do anything after all.. I didn't reply the babe nor discuss with the guy.
I will just left it slide. But I will never touch the guy with along pole. I don't want no drama abegi.. Love you all.

Advice.. I don't know what to call this? But What should I do?

Hey folks,

I need your advice on this. I met this guy on Facebook over a year ago but recently we've been chatting on the phone and communicating more. He will like to date me,but we are really waiting to meet first.Which is as soon as he can make it to Lagos to seem.So we can talk and see how it goes. And to my amazement I receive this mail today.Please advice,What should I do? Tell the guy? Reply the babe? What?


Hello Spicy,

How are you doing? i am forced to write you this mail-even against my own best judgment but then, who knows, this stitch in time might save nine............i am Dele Cokers's girlfriend/fiancee/wife....I am from kwara state too so i can say i am doing my sister a favor by writing this long epistle.i'll try not to bore you.

Girlfriend..

Dele and i met in school, university of ilorin exactly, nothing much went on during the school days, we were just casual acquaintances, he was very close friends with a good friend of mine back then,and gradually we saw more and more often as this mutual friend's-who's also from kwara state! eventually school came to an end and Dele and i began dating during my service year,that was 5 years ago.
Those fun days! i''ll sneak from asaba to come visit him in abuja, stay a while then sneak back to service.He finished a year before me, so he was already in abuja trying to get started in life. Things finally got rosy and he landed a good contract,money started flowing and future looked bright enough! I finished service,moved back home to ilorin and started job hunting.......by this time, we were already ''swimming in love'', he would leave abj and come spend weekeends in ilorin with me.My parents had began to take notice of him too and my joy knew no bounds....i was in love, he was doing well and my family approved. Eventually i told my parents i'll like to move out of ilorin so i cld get better opportunities with the job hunt, and with this excuse i relocated to abj to be closer to my love!


Abuja.........

Abuja i came,money was really flowing then and he got me a place,while he stayed at his brothers'. I must say it took my coming to abj to see more clearly.........Dele was quite different here, he was always away on site most of the time, fine the man had to work to make the money and i had no issues with that,but the lifestyle that came with the money??? that was something esle!
He had numerous friends,most of who came for the money and of course influenced him wrongly...then the girls! i lost count of the number of girls he cheated on me with,every month it was a new girl and at times he'd go as low as prostitutes. i was shocked, the man i knew was gone and i could not even see in him again the islam he was profesing so much back then which was one of the reasons i dated him( i dated a xtian in skool and i was so eager to get a muslim boyfriend i could eventually marry).

We began to fight so much because i couldn't stand the lifestyle he was living all because he had money now.....i would talk and nag and nag just to make him see the uselessness of the life he was living, he will come to his senses for a week at most......the friends will come and lure him back to the life...and the girls! he eventually stopped bothering to listen to me and lived life just the way he wanted and deemed fit..who was i anyway??? i was still jobless and financially dependent on him so i could nag all i wanted, he had the money and life was good..........with enough sycophant friends and girls around to live the good life with him. i didn't stop trying to get him back to his senses and that was when the real trouble started.

The first time he hit me...we had our usual quarrel..cheating on me,spending money anyhow...he asked if it was my father that gave him the money i was so concerned abt,,and wat rite i had to question him since i wasn't his wife yet.....a quarrel started as usual but this time it was with a added slap,kicks,and terrible blows,it was so terrible and i could barely move after.........he beat me so bad i had to scream for help.......neighbors came to my rescue, i called my family, told them what happened, two days after i packed my stuff and left for ilorin with my bruises.


Fiancee..........
My journey home was sad and i cried a lot,i was so full of shame and my folks wasted no time in telling me-we told you so!- they thought twice about me leaving for abuja then but i wouldn't listen, i was blinded by love and that same love had sent me back home in shame with bruises and a swollen rib. i was taken to the hospital for treatment and i got better with time. a week later, Dele showed up in ilorin, with my cousin that he'd been friends with in unilorin.his mission? to beg and reconcile!
He begged and begged, saying he didn't know what possessed him he was sorry and he wanted me back,he promised my folks it will never happen again.My mind was made up, i cldn't think of going back to him,how could he claim to love me and beat me up so bad? i told him no.he insisted to my folks that he was serious about me,they advised him he should get his folks to come and we do a proper thing. my dad then pleaded with me on his behalf ,that i should forgive him as no one was above mistakes.

We went to ogbomosho to meet his folks,a date was set for the introduction,then we left back for abj..all made up!!!

Introduction came and went in 2006.........a wedding date was to be announced later.

Back at Abuja.....things were all lovey and dovey for a while and then we went back to normal.......cheating on me and the beatings continued growing worse each time......a slight quarrel and the blows will start.we had began living together now in readiness for the '' wedding date'' and there were times we'll not speak for days and days when he'll not come back home for weeks.....and of course, the money flow was starting to slow down now....and eventually cash became so tight.

2007 came and still no wedding date; i was starting to worry and people began to ask, what is the delay? and God bless me if i tried to raise the issue with him, anytime i talked about when will it be, a fight was certain to happen and another beating will result. I started to be afraid of him and i just kept on lying to folks that we were making plans!

Friends weddings came and gone,and still we had no wedding date, all excuses were given of course-he was waiting for money,his brother was going into politics and he'd not want political rivals to come disrupt the wedding!(ridiculous right?),i was trying to force him to marry, he wanted to wait a while for business to get better.......so i let it rest and continued to endure the fights,the beatings and the no wedding date.

Of course,i considered my options and alternatives,other men were coming but i couldn't leave him, i felt the introduction meant something,a commitment i was supposed to honor. so wait to honor the commitment i did.

He continued his occasional side kicks...cheating here and there and so many more excuses why he couldn't put a ring on it with me!

Eventually, we agreed for Dec 2007,to go home and put final touches, the parents were informed and when december came,after a minor quarrel Dele walked out and left the house for weeks..i had no idea where he'd gone or if he'll make it back in time for the planned trip.he never did.i went through physiological torture, was he safe?what will i tell people at home? he was not picking my calls either..i begged via sms but he never showed up.

I went home alone,informed them to halt wedding plans as the groom had dissappeared!

The shame was enormous, i wished the ground would open and swallow me, aso-ebi samples were already picked, families and friends already in the know and e ku ipalemo(Preparation) greetings was in order! i could not bear it, i stayed indoors throughout,hoping against hope that he would somehow come back from wherever he'd gone,at least to save me from the disgrace.

After like a month or so,it dawned on me, that he's not showing up,so amidst tears i left home to come back to abj,to come face reality of what had just happened to me.

I moved out of his place and rented a place of my own, to start life again as it was then clear, the man am waiting on had no plans and the trauma of been abandoned almost at the altar was too much, i decided to move on with my life as i hadn't seen or heard from him till then.

And then he came back,almost two months after...........the begging and crying was unlimited,how sorry he was, he didn't know what came over him, he couldn't explain it himself, he loved me and wanted to marry me! i called home and informed my parents on the resurfacing of the groom! they told me their minds.....his attitude was questionable and not very encouraging, i was advised to just make a fresh start in order to avoid another disappointment from him as they were no longer in support. i told him this so he could see he was already too late. he went to ilorin again to meet my folks and they told him the ball was in my court.

I tried moving on,tried seeing other men,we were living apart now but still it wasn't so easy for me,my heart was still with him even after all he'd done.And he knew how to lay it on, begging, crying and making promises upon promises. i still stood my ground,but like they say......love is a disease......sure enough my disease came back and i began to give in.

Little by little,we became an item again and i foolishly open up the doors to my heart again,of course my parents disapproved and i fought them all cos of him, he had changed,he was serious about marrying me, they could go to hell if they won't support me....i said all that and more...so i was his fiancee again!



Wife.......

We'd agreed to go it alone without the parents' support now ,we had decided to do a registry and inform the folks after. this we did-June 16 2009- so you can imagine my shock when i read his chat with you that he was not seeing anyone at the moment??? the sex ''with an old favor'' wasn't even as shocking.........i'd suspected he was straying again, we still stay apart as husband and wife(strictly his choice)........am still burning down under after the last time we were together, checked it out and doc confirmed it was an STD, he's the only one am 'doing' so i guessed the obvious! dinner dates with old favors,a sexy romp after that, stupid, trusting wifey opens up for him after that and .......the rest is history!

Anyways, registry done, we'd plan to inform the parents so we could arrange for a nikkai, i did this and my folks were all for it saying if i knew it was him that will make me happy...they were waiting for us to come the needful........And that's where we are again, the lover man has been postponing and procrastinating AGAIN ever since then! how some things never change.

5 years with a man and yet you never get to know him!


So why am i really writing all this? to a complete stranger? to be honest,i never thought i could but then i thought why not? a stitch in time could save nine......if i'd been warned by someone of the nature of this man...i would have looked elsewhere before getting in too deep...the only one that came, i shunned-the mutual friend from our school days? she was mad when she eventually got to know i was dating Dele cos according to her, they had a relationship while we were in school and i shouldn't have been 'eating her vomit'......of course i wasn't aware of this fact and when i had asked him before we started going out, he denied it vehemently saying he had nothing to do with her.much later into the relationship he said all he had with her was a 'minor fling'-guess who i believed? needless to say, the mutual friend is happily married now to another guy with a kid!

So he'll say to you now '' am not seeing anyone at the moment', '' am not married yet' and all his '' am always here for my baby''...............just to draw you in,seems lover man has a thing for us kwara babes!


So dear sister, this is not a mail borne out of jealousy....am far from that now......i would be jealous if i knew what a good time you are in for with him but i know better, my 5 years experience with him is enough to know am not going to be missing much when you finally grant him that ''sensual kiss'' he's been begging for.

If this mail rubs you the wrong way,please don't be mad with me,i just wanted you to know that this is the true man behind the charade, a man who is
willing to let you fall but won't be there to catch your fall.............pls be wise.

Am on facebook.......hook up if you wanna talk some more...takia of u.


many thanks.

Biola.

When?

Joys that fill my heart,
The smile that I show
When I'm with you,
I never want it to go.

Memories that we've had,
Reminiscenses of the past
Always in my mind,
Forever they will last.

Inside I see it in you,
Through your desert eyes I know,
When I want to show you
I'm afraid that you will go.

Scared to turn the key,
Unsure to unlock the door
Hoping it will open,
Loneliness can be no more.

But still I sit here wondering
Dreaming of what can be.
When can you feel my heart?
When can you see that am for real?
When? When? When?

Are You Really Date-able???

There comes a time when most women start to yearn for a dose of happy ever after.. But to me looking for love in the right places,with the right man and with the right attitude and determination is the best way to sustain a happy ever after.

There is only one question to ask yourself when you are looking for this last stop man. Are you date-able? Here are few points to look into.

1. Plan :- The man of your dream won't appear in your doorway. You've got to go out and find him. Don't assume finding him to be magically blend. But it is wise to think of what you want and how to make it work. For instance you should date the kind of man you'd like to marry. Don't waste your time on a man who is not interested in marriage soon.

2. Be open:- Make yourself date-able and available. Then be assertive on what you want. Be confident, be happy and being flirtatious wont hurt either but don't look too predatory. It might be a turn off. Though it might actually attract a man but he probably wont be serious with you.

3. Be approachable:- Let him notice you, make eye contact,you can even pass a comment about his dressing or what have you,men love praises. You've got to let him know you want to talk to him. People don't know how you feel unless you tell them.

4. Don't be to hasty:- Don't allow your determination to find the right person becloud your sense of judgment against his faults or what might not be it. Ask yourself inwardly things that only you can justify and accept. Do I really like him? Can I cope with him? Is he really going to make me happy?. Believe me,you need a guy that you are totally comfortable with.

5. Spark is essential but does not happen every time:-If a man ask you out and you don't like him at first. Give him a chance and think about it. Is not every time you feel a butterfly in your stomach at first sight. You may feel the spark later. However if you cant feel it afterward. Don't force it. It is not him.

6. Just where do we meet our match? The usual notion is online,malls,bars,parties. But our chances are pretty slim. Join dance classes,book club,game club, just anything that involves meeting people with similar interests.In time you will meet someone friendly. However if friendship develops into something more meaningful. That's awesome.

7. However if after you find him. What happen next? How do you turn it into a long lasting relationship that does not have an expiry date?How do you know when the relationship is ripe for marriage or simply put, how do you go about defining when is time,you both want to settle down?. These is where you both have to sit down and discuss. Whats the purpose of the relationship?

8. Don't appear too needy or blab too much about your ex,job,family or money matter though men love honesty and open minded women. But a confident women does it for them. Is not about how much sexy or attractive you look. Is about how you handle yourself when you are together. Every little details counts.

9. If after a year together and you guys are not talking about future,hopes and ambitions,then something is wrong. Do you see any sign of commitment at all? Though sometime,some men don't reveal this,you cant even be able to see him envisioning you as the ideal wife.. They just go with the flow,they might never talk about marriage or you probably feel is not his thing. But that could be wrong. Talk to him and tell him what you want. This is not about forcing him into admittance but sharing your feelings. This might just be the gear he needed. If he feel the same way,you would know. Or isn't that better than investing in a relationship that long without a purpose?


PS: Sorry I have neglected this blog for awhile.. Another passion of mine(Photography) has been running wide with me. How are you all doing? Really missed stalking a few blogs.

Memories...

It's always you I'm thinking about,
always you I want to hold,
always you I need to touch.
And all the memories I cherish most,
are those of you.

Time goes by quickly in your arms,
only to crawl when we are apart.
Long days drag,
and the fantasies I make
rarely burn with lust and desire,
only fueled by deprivation and distance.

The afternoon sunshine is warm on my face,
but even butterflies that spread their wings
around me cannot take my mind off of you.

Touches I can't wait to feel,
soft caresses I long to give.
They only keep me in suspense
as time wears on.

The day's sunset blazes against a darkening sky
and I remember our inside jokes
and our long walks
and your hand in mine.

Nights falls upon the world,
and my heart breaks even more.
Memories flood over me as the moon rises overhead,
casting its clean white light over me,
only to accentuate the emptiness next to me.

The stars rise and flicker above me,
I gaze up at them, thinking of what sky
you may be seeing.
I lay alone in my warm, familiar bed,
talks from the past echoing through my mind.
I smile and close my eyes,
your soft voice calming me.

Missing you is delayed
as I lay in the night's darkness,
memories of you still linger about
in my sleepy mind.

I wish on every star each night,
knowing already that only the passage of time
would grant us each other, once again

What is really in a look?

As the popular saying goes. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." how much of look are we willing to settle for in our wanted quality of a real man or woman? How does look affect our choice in picking the men or women will date or has our better halves?

This has been a great contender in the choice of people we settle for. But to me. Look could be deceptive. Is really what character the person exude that count.

I know of a guy who sent two of his girlfriend's picture to his friends to asked them which of the two girls is beautiful? Comparing a girl he has been dating for some years with the one he just met. In as much as I find that childish and betraying.(Don't get me wrong both babes are beautiful)
I don't believe a guy need to lack so much confidence not to know exactly what he want to be comparing such.But permit me to digress.

Beauty could be important but is not as important as the person behavioral and moral pattern. His or her sense of judgment. A woman may be beautiful but doesn't say she will have brains or otherwise as regards to some men. Some men could be.

Ask me if I'm crazy about look. I'd tell you NO.. But you must really possess other things that must endear you to me. Like being friendly, good personality, good dress sense, humble,respectful,caring and must be worthy of trust. Is not necessary that money should ooze out of you but you must be hard working and comfortable with yourself.

I've dated the so called handsome bloke(s) before but all there to them is troubles and sleepless nights cos they are never faithful. And is not their fault sef cos girls too will not let them rest. But my point is What is really in a look?

What does Love mean?

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes.
What does Love mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year-old(s), "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:



"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

________________________________


"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4
________________________________

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne
and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5
________________________________

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6
________________________________

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4
________________________________

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8
________________________________

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
________________________________

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate,"

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

________________________________

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday."

Noelle - age 7
________________________________

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6
________________________________

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8
________________________________

"My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day."

Mary Ann - age 4
________________________________

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4
________________________________

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's
gross."

Mark - age 6
________________________________

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8
________________________________

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked
about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's
yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"
________________________________

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God
is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is
simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.

Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they
may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your peace,
prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with
you. Amen.

Then tag five other people, including the one who sent it to
you. Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other
people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.

I tag: Baroque, Jabez,Milesperhour, Afroblog, BSNC, NaijaShawty,NE, Chayoma,Optimistic, Jhazmyn, Oyin,Caramel,Rethots, Verastic,Roc,Leggy,SSD,The activist,Justdoyin,DBthinks,Naboulove in fact I tag everyone(my head wan explode)...LOL.. I love you all.



P. S. Five is good, but more is even gooder!

I Want To Kiss You,I want to Hold you....I'm Just Too Thirsty For You...

Lately I have been all mushy and cant help ask why I'm having problem getting someone to love, Are the men blinds? No! They are not, they simply want something different from what I'm anticipating. I get lots of toaster almost everyday but most of the times is online. Sometimes I wish I could just reach into the computer and give some of my toaster(online) a blow in their face with their silly approach.

But truly I am lonely for a real relationship, one that is true,strong and that is all MINE. I need a guy who must be very humble and intelligent, someone we could talk for ages,even if is sweet nonsense and that wont get bothered. Someone that we could brainstorm together on different things, sharing ideas and dreams! Someone that we could bond after time, that can became my best friend, someone I could tell anything, without fear of judgment, someone with whom I could strip to my very soul and show the good, the bad and ugly sides of me. while he can do same with me. Someone that can be there always, like watching a movie, football together or throw pillows at each other and back ride etc as the time might dictate.

Though I would love to fall in love with the right man but not in any rush to find a Mr Right as I guess I will know him when I meet him. I'm looking for a very serious and romantic relationship.I don't need a guy that promise heaven and end up giving nothing.I want a relationship that involves great give and take.

He must combine this with a great sensuality, romantic, comfortable, intelligent, cute,smart, witty, spontaneous, adventurous with a very warm personality.My ideal guy should be attractive enough to turn my head anytime I look at him and should be able to make butterfly flies in my stomach anytime I think about him.'Cos good looking guys drive me crazy but I need just only one to keep to myself. I am a very sensual babe .And I need a strong guy that knows where a woman fantasy and trick lies.

Seriously I'm really thirty for you. And it worries me that you are taking so much time in claiming what is rightly yours. Sometime I want to be with around you, sometimes, I want to kiss you,sometimes I long to hold you,sometime I crave to sleep in your arms and most of the time I just wanna be with you,loving you and being the only woman you would ever need. Abi is my right to be love and loved in return, is my right to crave for a man's touch,in fact I deserve to be treated with respect,love,kindness and with all sensitiveness I can get.

So till you show your face, I'll be right here waiting you...

PS: I had just only one post last month..Hmmm.. It was my exams coupled with the fact that my Laptop screen got bad. But I'm back now. Thanks everyone for the good luck wishes. Miss y'all.. Happy Nu Month.

Being The Other Woman

Playing a second fiddle is always a tough choice, not to talk of being the other woman with your full awareness that your partner has a prior relationship or married for that matter.

But everybody has their reason for doing these. Some women are desperate in need of a man, so they plunge into the relationship while hoping things will get better. Some even do it to while away the time till they get to see someone worthwhile but believe me most of the time they get stuck emotionally in such relationship despite understanding the heartache that involves..

Nevertheless, you can do better than trying to be the other woman that he can fall back to, you need to do something fast and now. Ditch him. Common you can do better than that. You deserve someone who has his only eyes for you. Always remember that you are the only one that holds the key to your happiness.

Did it ever cross your mind that, if you tell him to leave his gf/wife for you first, before you agreed to date him, do you think he would still be hanging around? You do really need to be honest with yourself and stop playing games with your emotions.

In his mind, he is doing you a favor while trying to make you understand he is the best man for you or that can happen to you. He is just being a man after all. Note that whatever reason he is with you while cheating on her doesn't say he loves you any less because he is with her and not you and no matter what you guys shares together, he still run after her, go home to her, wake up with her. She comes first, so what are you still doing with him?

However, their are few things you need to know on why such relationship is not good for you. Remember he belong to someone else. Whatever he is doing to make you happy, he is just being selfish and cheating you too. He is emotionally not available to you and your needs; you are only forcing it.

If you sit back and let an unavailable guy be everything in your life, you are simply breaking your own heart cos he will never be there for you when you need him. You will end up spending memorable days alone, such as his Birthday, Valentine etc because is his wife will who will be there. You may be lucky though if he can conjure up some lies at home.

What normally disturbed me about this is being played for a fool, how does it sounds setting your heart and mind on a man who knows is not going to be there. But I guess is really a matter of choice cos there are single guys out there who can shower you with unbridled love and affection why waste your emotion on a man who is not all that.

However if you are already in one, please bear in mind the following points.

•Don't rely on playing the second best forever. You too can get the commitment you want elsewhere and be someone's most perfect woman not someone attachment.

•Don’t assumed he will leave the girlfriend/wife for you. The best you could do is wait for him to do that before you start the relationship in the first place with enough proof that he really want to be with you.

•Don't be too available - Don't make him feel as if your world is centre around him. Let him know you can do without him however lonely you are. You can spend time with your family and friends and do things for yourself whenever you feel you need to be alone.

•Don't get too obsess with him or about what he’s up to when his not with you.

•Don't be running after him, you can actually do better than running after a man who is only dishing out to you leftover of his attention.

•Don't get pregnant for him, that will be the worst mistake you ever made if you think he will change his mind and look at you differently, there is absolutely nothing like “making” a man be with you.

•Don’t waste the best years of your life as someone’s side kick. Dump him, you will soon find for yourself a nice, decent, and available man who will see what a great person you are.

My own advice is give yourself an ultimatum and plan your exit. You deserve better. Don’t dwell on the crumbles he is dishing out to you, see beyond him and work on flushing him out of your mind and life but please make sure you don't fall into same trap again. All the best.


PS: Sorry I was away for my exams. I didnt even get the chance to tell anyone. Anyway how are you guys... And by the way,thanks for all your comments on my last post. Miss you..Kisses..Hmmm e-kisses 4 y'all.

What If???

What if everyone needs love?

Is it a disease? Well, if it is, I'm sure hope its catching

because they need to pour it into a bottle,

label it, and sprinkle it all over the people

men and women who ever loved, searched, cried,

or died for love..So they could all catch and value it.



So...What if I'm in love?

Is it a crime? Arrest me!

Because I'm happily in love

And crazy about you.

And I wanna rock your world



What if I asked for honesty?

Is it insane? Commit me!!

Because I want Happiness, not tears;

Truths not lies; Pleasure not pain;

Sunshine not rain; A man not a child!



What if I like men?

Is it a sin?

If you don't like women of color

because we are... Dark, Fair,

Brown eyes, flexy hips

Chocolate, cream or white tooth,

Big or cute Lipped, Big and shapely backside,

Busty, small soft and round breast

Slim, voluptuous or Plus size

But simply BEAUTIFUL all at the same time!



So what if I want commitment?

Does it bother you that much because

I want a man who wants me...

Loves me and trusts me, and respects me

And gives me everything because

I give him everything back, PLUS!!

I've got rights,

same as you! I have worked for them,

And I've earned it,

From being his dutiful wife,cater for you, cook for you and carry your baby



What if I want unconditional love?

I love me, and I want you to love me too,

But I am as I've always been,

Near you, close to you, beside you,

strong giving, loving and just for you.

10 Honest Things About me..


Hmmm, I have been reading a lot of honestly memes from fellow bloggers lately. And is amazing how you guys completely bare it all out. So I'm joining the club today. So where should I start?.. Hmmm..(fingers rambling on the keyboard while searching my mind) So here we go..


1. I'm not perfect and yes not everyone will appreciate me or my person but everyone is entitled to their opinion about me.I don't judge people but I’ve always believed in the inherent goodness of people but some people just are not that nice. It takes me a long time to admit that…

2. I find out that I am scared of making relationship work for me - But people always judge me wrong, with my exposure to love,life and relationship. Guys says I am classy,too knowledgeable and too pretty to be single. well maybe I am, if I am , that is a gift from above, you do not inherit class you earn it through the years.I am an open and honest person that says things from the heart and I do believe the heart is always right.It hasn't failed me yet. If they were meant to. People and relationships are meant to be experienced; they should each leave their print on your heart - good or bad. The bottom line is that I just want someone to love and be love in return. Someone to call my OWN

3. I could be a difficult person,stubborn and am a hard nut to crack but beyond this facade I'm a very soft person inside. I cried easily. Just like every other women, I have my fears,my own shortcomings too. I'm a very go getter person, when I want something I go for it. I love my in-dependency.

4. I have had sex in the pool before,it was in the night though, we had gone for an excursion at famous ikogosi natural spring water in Ekiti from my school, where we met about three other school, it was a night to remember and the sex was breathtaking.

5. I have dated a married guy before and believe me it sucks. You only have him for the moment it is. The rest is crap and waste of your emotion and time.

6. I'm sucker for a beautiful woman, yes...I used to be Bi-curious till I met a girl.(But don't ask me if anything happen-cos I'm not telling). But now I just appreciate a beautiful women as me and nothing more.

7.I love good looking guys but I always appreciate well manner ones. I hate players and those that only want to get into your pant. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgg and their seems to be trailer loads of them,

8. I have a twin brother and he is a very nice person, I have seen him with his girlfriend and he always touched my heart. I always pray to have someone like that in my life.

9. I don't get angry easily but when I do, sometimes is always brutal. So I always take time to exercise a lot of patience before taking actions. And while am at it, just let me be. I hate begging. It only make things worse.

10. I had sex in a class room in class and I'm not going to tell which. It was an adventurous mind of mine running wild with me. And you know what, the though of been caught by the night guards and oh boy, it was fun. We both came on time.



And speaking of that,the other day,I slept off while reading
Roc 

blog page and guess what? I dreamt about him. Can you imagine? But believe me you don't wanna know what I dreamt about. Things you blogger are doing to me. No thanks to bumight,Afrobabe

,Vera,L-vii

.
So there is the 10 honest truth about me and hope you all won't skin me alive???

What does Love mean?

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes.
What does Love mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:



"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8




_______________________________



"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4
________________________________

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne
and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5
________________________________

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6
________________________________

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4
________________________________

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8
________________________________

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
________________________________

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate,"

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

________________________________

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday."

Noelle - age 7
________________________________

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6
________________________________

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8
________________________________

"My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day."

Mary Ann - age 4
________________________________

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4
________________________________

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
________________________________

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's
gross."

Mark - age 6
________________________________

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8
________________________________

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked
about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's
yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"
________________________________

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God
is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is
simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.

Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they
may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your peace,
prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with
you. Amen.

Then tag five other people, including the one who sent it to
you. Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other
people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.

I tag: Baroque, Jabez,Milesperhour, Afroblog, BSNC, NaijaShawty,NE, Chayoma,Optimistic, Jhazmyn, Oyin,Caramel,Rethots, Verastic,Roc,Leggy,SSD,The activist,Justdoyin,DBthinks,Naboulove in fact I tag everyone(my head wan explode)...LOL.. I love you all.



P. S. Five is good, but more is even gooder!

Making Love And Relationship Work For You.

Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Elizabeth Browning


People go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others. There is no extra special relationship, none has a rare ability to do better than others. We are all just trying.

And yes we are all differnt in our approach to making it work. Because some go to extra effort to understand, develop and explore what they have. They read books, they investigate, and they put great effort into knowing and understanding what works and what doesn't work for them.They know what is good for them so they consciously feed on it and practice it.

They know there is no limit to the fun, joy excitement and enjoyment they can experience, they understand marriage and relationship cannot be left to mere chances.You really must work on it. They are aware that there are laws governing relationship and the outcome of that results. It is called the law of sowing and reaping. Some people want to sow the wrong things and still expect things to be wonderful, some want to walk in ignorance yet hope things will work out just fine. The truth is you get what you think you deserve.

We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. You must know that the more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.

Though love is a tricky thing. One must distinguish between what the mind says and what the heart says, and then we must decide which to follow. I must point out here that people who listen to their minds consider themselves the wiser ones. But the people who are led by their hearts are the luckier ones. If you look for love, you will find it but if you deliberately look for an obstacle to love, you will also find that too; the choice is yours. But if u painstakinly search for love. You will defintely see that too.

Hoever you must know that there is no limit to the joy, the romance, the victory you can experience. God created every relationship to excel.Work with God and he will show you how. Be ready to learn from others what you don't know. It’s important for you to remain empowered so that you don't make choices out of need or desperation. If you remain empowered enough to claim what’s your’s, remain true to your identity, and advocate for your dreams relentlessly, you will surely get it.

Some points to work on:-

1. You have a great role to play, in bringing out the great potentials within your relationship. You need to know them, develop them and use them to the full.
2. You need to know the importance of self loving, remember loving come from within.
3. You must understand and see love and relationship as they are and not what you what you want them to be.
4. You can never have everything on a platter of gold. Though every person is entitled to chose the path which works for them.
5. You must not lay too much emphases on looks or sex appeal because looks can be deceptives.People only want to see the substances you are made of,not looks without self respect or brain.
6. You should equate loving to happiness, so the more you want to be happy, the more love you should exude.
7. You need to know the importance of setting clear boundaries and when you say NO,meant it. Never settle for less.
8. You must learn to make a good friendship out of your partner,always remember friendship is the food to a good relationship.
9. You must understand and know what you really want out of the relationship.
10. You must always remember that anything worth achieving is worth working for.
11. You get what you believe you deserve. So aim high.
12. You must redefine your self worth and what you stand for
13. You need to know the difference between want and need.
14. You must share same values and ideas,your want,needs and interest must go through one channel.
15.You must make things happpen,bear in mind that wishing for something to happen and working toward making it happen are two different thing. So set the ball rolling.

So the bottom line is that is only you that knows what is good for you and what is not. So make a choice now and start living and loving. And lest I forget always know that there is absolutely joy in loving and being loved in return. Make it work and make it last.

Helmets and Bikes 1: Is your style in danger?

Helmets and Bikes 1: Is your style in danger?
My Naija News - Thursday, 09 April 2009

True Love!!!

Is there really true love?..Maybe yes, perhaps not! Behold

If you are wealthy and there I come, saying am truly in luv with you, may be am truly in luv with your fat wallets

If you are dashing, handsome and I say am truly in luv with you, perhaps I'm truly charmed with ur charming look.

If you are a genius and I say am truly in luv with you, I might just as well mean that am truly in luv with your ingenuity.

If you are young, ambitious, well focused and purposeful and I say am truly in luv with you, maybe am in luv with your fame."

Is there really an unconditional love? Maybe yes, perhaps not...
But what is really true love???

Let me share my thoughts on what is true love with you:.

True love is about trust, honesty and a willingness to work out problem. Every relationship have their low points but if each partner is strongly committed and trusting enough. These love will flourish. It has been wisely said that true love begins when being in love fades.

True love is all those small tiny things that makes you do together that makes love worth sharing..

True love is giving, caring,sharing and understanding each other's point of view while compromising to reach an agreement if one must.

True love is taking your partner as he/she is and not expecting the one you love to be perfect.

True love self-sacrificing and ever willing to forgive each other other and other again no matter what.

True love is powerful, passionate, love is when you would give your life for this person.

True love means that you would be there to wipe away tears when there sad, Laugh and cry with them,basically be there when in need.

True love is not just about emotions.

True love is giving, caring and a choice. Cos it is a choice to commit to someone, to stand by the person, protect the person and fight for the person.

Above all,True love is powerful, Love is passionate. Love is when you would give your life for this person.

Most importantly true love can occur at any stage. YOU are the only person who knows if your love is true, whether or not the object of your love agrees, because love is not measured by reciprocity. It is measure by loving your spouse, be affectionate anywhere even in public, treat them with respect and honor,protect him or her and finally, never run away from love. You'll probably be hurt, but keep trying until your find your own true love.The bottom line is that we all need to love and be loved in return.

When the Line Is Drawn

Who doesn’t want to be in relationship or get married these days? Every eight out of ten individual wants to because relationships, love and marriage is such a wonderful thing that fills everyone with warmth, with the joy of being somebody’s. And whether in cold or warmth, people are happy to find eternal happiness in each other ’s heart.

And of course just as people are getting hooked, there are thousand breaking up at this moment. But whether its worth our while or not, is not the problem. The problems begin long before the relationship or marriage is cemented. Couples who began their dating relationships starry-eyed and dreamy all too often end them red-eyed and dismayed.

Girlfriends and boyfriends, who were certain theirs was the romance of the century, find themselves burn out in flames for reasons they do not understand. It is difficult to know just how painful a relationship breakup can be until it happens in one’s own life. Sadness, Intense feelings and despair are a common reaction to the end of a relationship. Psychological research shows that the emotional response to the breakup of a romantic relationship strongly resembles reactions to what would appear to be more traumatic losses, like the death of a loved one. The following are major emotional phases to expect in the loss of a romantic relationship.

Shock :- It will be very difficult to believe and admit that the relationship is ending or has ended. It is painful to accept a loved and trusted partner seeming to care so little about the relationship and your feelings.

Grief and Despair :- It is normal to feel sad and lonely, and to cry too. You may feel an intense need at times to make contact with your ex-partner. Particular times during the day, such as sleeping alone, waking up in the morning, or been in places you ought to have been together alone may be especially difficult.

Confusion :- Life may feel strange or incomplete without your significant other, you might desperately miss what is gone and wish things could go back to the way they were, you might question who you are, and the meaning of life without your partner.

Fear :- It may be frightening and difficult to imagine life without the significant other. You may fear that you will never see a person like him or her again, find love or be happy again without the person.

Jealousy : - You may experience jealousy or worry about your partner supposedly being with someone else.

Anger and Bitterness : - Anger with a partner who has caused pain by initiating or contributing to the breakup is a common emotional response and feeling of betraying the trust in which you both shared.

Self-blame and Guilt :- If you initiated the breakup, you may feel guilty about causing pain to your partner. You may be worried over what has caused the breakup, and may attempt to “bargain” with an ex-partner to give the relationship another chance.

Relief : -You heave a sigh of relief from negative feelings associated with the relationship that resulted from arguments, fighting, jealousy, stress, insecurity, or boredom.

What to do

It is true that there is no way around feeling emotional pain after a relationship breakup. Your feelings reflect the importance of your partner in your life, as well as your own ability to allow yourself to be intimate and close with an important other. What really matter is how far can one cope when the line is drawn? “Its over,”

Here are some hints in getting over it completely:

*Make out time to get yourself back together on a level footing-Remember life isn’t bed of roses, you win some, you lose some and always bear it in mind that what will be your, will be yours.

*Make changes in your life and express yourself creatively. Develop new interests, activities and relationships in your life separate from your ex-partner. Redecorate or paint your living space. Focus on doing things that reflect your unique nature, and that are a not reminder of your ex-partner. Plan new events with friends or family on holidays or anniversary dates of the relationship. Engage in activities that help you recover a sense of meaning and balance, such as religious/spiritual practice, art, poetry or music.

*Seek support from friends and family. Social support is one of the most important factors in coping with a loss. Reach out to people who care and who will listen to your feelings and provide encouragement. Spending time with others may be difficult at first, but will help you to realize that there are other people in your life who care about you and are there to support you.

*Don’t rush head-on unto another relationship when you’ve barely gotten over the last-Remember you don’t have to try every dick and harry before you know the right one for you.

*Don’t over expect things on a first, enjoy it for what it is “A Date” and nothing more and bear in mind that if you expect everything to be romantic and perfect immediately, you might just be building a castle in the air. Remember love is not what you get off-handed on a plate.

*Meet as many people as possible, so you can make your judgment and choose wisely this time-Dear he/she might just be around the corner. But take it gradually.

*Don’t go to far quickly, you re bound to be disappointed again. Free your mind and take your time in finding love again.

*Though you might need a relationship badly but don’t compromise yourself and get yourself to be used and dump again-Remember it is better to be alone than being in a bad relationship.

*Be ready for commitment, The love that we all want from a spouse is not possible without both having the commitment to try to make it work

*Lastly, make a wise choice, for the fact that he throws money here and there, dashing, tall, beautiful or he or she is your dream mate doesn’t mean he or she is the one. Remember, material things, physical attributes may soon fade out, then the truly color will emerge and you will be disappointed again.

If all these could be adhered to, you could find love again, though love could be dangerous at times but every wonderful for those who have find the courage in finding eternal love but if it’s not respected, it could be your worst enemy.

Many relationships fail because they are built too fast. Take your time, converse and communicate. View your partner as a person, not just as an object that makes you feel good. Have this in mind you know If you want fast food, you will get it cheap and instant and in a paper box. If you want a feast, you take your time to prepare it lovingly and slowly, Make this last a long time. I wish you the best.