11 Reasons He Dumped You

I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following as the most common breakup reasons:

* He changed
* We weren't compatible
* He cheated on me

When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "no" with "because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming. So, here are mine:

I Got Bored: I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is (Wikipedia):

"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."

My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.

One of Us Was Too Serious: This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her once a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.

Burnout: I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: Being exclusive, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Ok, we did it...so now what?"

I Was Tempted To Cheat: I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.

All My Friends Broke Up With Their Girlfriends: This is by far the most immature reason on this list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching "The Devil Wears Prada," my newly single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.

Divergent Lives: If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.

Feeling Selfish: Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and yourself up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.

I "Misread" My Feelings: This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake—you get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason, dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.

My Friends Or Family Didn't Like Her: I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.

I Took Her For Granted: Great relationships should be easy, but there has to be some tension too—especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.

She Was Too Negative: All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?

What reasons have guys used to break up with you, and which make you most angry? What reasons have caused you to break up with guys? Which reasons do you think are the most common cause of breakups- do they differ for guys and women?

PS: I saw this on Shine.Yahoo By Rich Santos and Marie Claire.

PSS: Image by http://carnivalofidiots.blogspot.com

This is a good read. Let me know what you guys think?

Women-Battery..What do you have to say???

Marriage/relationship is not intended to be a prison but a base, a safe haven for commitment, contentment, consolation, and tranquility. If it turns out to be an arena for discontentment, abuse, strife, battery or depression then it is failing to fulfill its proper purpose.

The phenomenon of women-batter is an abuse of men who beat their women only because they are either drunk, brutal by nature or just in a bad temper.

Men who behave like tyrants in the home; who assert his rule in an arbitrary or violent manner, are usually the weak ones who are actually suffering from hidden inferiority complex and are afraid of being shown up a mentally or morally inferior to their wife and at times insecurity could lead to it too.

A man does not need to assert himself over his woman or be on the defensive against her to correct a wrong or mistake she might have made.

But men believe they could hold the right and obligation that is woman is created at their mercy and should be contented with whatever treatment they metes out to them as their whims and fancy dictates.

Think about it, this thing start from when they are young, they first start by slapping their girlfriend, pushing her around, then they hit you really bad. Yes we still love them. Sometimes is bad enough that you can't even leave them,walk away without them getting more brutal with you.

I have left a guy before because of this. And when he came calling to beg me. The feelings of what he has done to me before won't let me take me back. I remember the way he beat locked the door on me,beat me with a belt and pet me afterward and the aggressiveness began. The thought can never get out of my mind till today after five years. And this was because he was just insecure,he was afraid of losing me and only want to prove a point to me which was on the reverse case for me. But I digress,another topic,another day, in fact I'm writing a book on that.

Anyway, I believe their ways you can talk to your woman without getting violence. Though I know some men still knows how to get at their woman without beating her up, shouting on her or anything of that sort. But whatever men derives in beating women up,, I'm sure the end is not yet in sight for them. But the choice is for every woman to stand up and say NO to this abuse today.


PS: Thank you guys for your advice on my last post. You are all too gbasky...
I didn't do anything after all.. I didn't reply the babe nor discuss with the guy.
I will just left it slide. But I will never touch the guy with along pole. I don't want no drama abegi.. Love you all.

Are You Really Date-able???

There comes a time when most women start to yearn for a dose of happy ever after.. But to me looking for love in the right places,with the right man and with the right attitude and determination is the best way to sustain a happy ever after.

There is only one question to ask yourself when you are looking for this last stop man. Are you date-able? Here are few points to look into.

1. Plan :- The man of your dream won't appear in your doorway. You've got to go out and find him. Don't assume finding him to be magically blend. But it is wise to think of what you want and how to make it work. For instance you should date the kind of man you'd like to marry. Don't waste your time on a man who is not interested in marriage soon.

2. Be open:- Make yourself date-able and available. Then be assertive on what you want. Be confident, be happy and being flirtatious wont hurt either but don't look too predatory. It might be a turn off. Though it might actually attract a man but he probably wont be serious with you.

3. Be approachable:- Let him notice you, make eye contact,you can even pass a comment about his dressing or what have you,men love praises. You've got to let him know you want to talk to him. People don't know how you feel unless you tell them.

4. Don't be to hasty:- Don't allow your determination to find the right person becloud your sense of judgment against his faults or what might not be it. Ask yourself inwardly things that only you can justify and accept. Do I really like him? Can I cope with him? Is he really going to make me happy?. Believe me,you need a guy that you are totally comfortable with.

5. Spark is essential but does not happen every time:-If a man ask you out and you don't like him at first. Give him a chance and think about it. Is not every time you feel a butterfly in your stomach at first sight. You may feel the spark later. However if you cant feel it afterward. Don't force it. It is not him.

6. Just where do we meet our match? The usual notion is online,malls,bars,parties. But our chances are pretty slim. Join dance classes,book club,game club, just anything that involves meeting people with similar interests.In time you will meet someone friendly. However if friendship develops into something more meaningful. That's awesome.

7. However if after you find him. What happen next? How do you turn it into a long lasting relationship that does not have an expiry date?How do you know when the relationship is ripe for marriage or simply put, how do you go about defining when is time,you both want to settle down?. These is where you both have to sit down and discuss. Whats the purpose of the relationship?

8. Don't appear too needy or blab too much about your ex,job,family or money matter though men love honesty and open minded women. But a confident women does it for them. Is not about how much sexy or attractive you look. Is about how you handle yourself when you are together. Every little details counts.

9. If after a year together and you guys are not talking about future,hopes and ambitions,then something is wrong. Do you see any sign of commitment at all? Though sometime,some men don't reveal this,you cant even be able to see him envisioning you as the ideal wife.. They just go with the flow,they might never talk about marriage or you probably feel is not his thing. But that could be wrong. Talk to him and tell him what you want. This is not about forcing him into admittance but sharing your feelings. This might just be the gear he needed. If he feel the same way,you would know. Or isn't that better than investing in a relationship that long without a purpose?


PS: Sorry I have neglected this blog for awhile.. Another passion of mine(Photography) has been running wide with me. How are you all doing? Really missed stalking a few blogs.

What is really in a look?

As the popular saying goes. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." how much of look are we willing to settle for in our wanted quality of a real man or woman? How does look affect our choice in picking the men or women will date or has our better halves?

This has been a great contender in the choice of people we settle for. But to me. Look could be deceptive. Is really what character the person exude that count.

I know of a guy who sent two of his girlfriend's picture to his friends to asked them which of the two girls is beautiful? Comparing a girl he has been dating for some years with the one he just met. In as much as I find that childish and betraying.(Don't get me wrong both babes are beautiful)
I don't believe a guy need to lack so much confidence not to know exactly what he want to be comparing such.But permit me to digress.

Beauty could be important but is not as important as the person behavioral and moral pattern. His or her sense of judgment. A woman may be beautiful but doesn't say she will have brains or otherwise as regards to some men. Some men could be.

Ask me if I'm crazy about look. I'd tell you NO.. But you must really possess other things that must endear you to me. Like being friendly, good personality, good dress sense, humble,respectful,caring and must be worthy of trust. Is not necessary that money should ooze out of you but you must be hard working and comfortable with yourself.

I've dated the so called handsome bloke(s) before but all there to them is troubles and sleepless nights cos they are never faithful. And is not their fault sef cos girls too will not let them rest. But my point is What is really in a look?

How To Attract The Right Woman!!

You can make a guy like a babe but you cant make a babe like a guy. No matter how the guy tries to win her love if she doesn't like him,then it wont work out.

But never make a mistake of thinking showering a lady gift will make her succumb to you,you will be far,far wrong.

Though gifts do helps in cementing relationship but will never assist you to win a girl's genuine love and affection.
And most guys have this habit of coercing ladies to get into relationship with them,you might be lucky to get her at the long run but my advice is don't force it as a woman knows if she really want a guy the moment she sees him.

Most women plays by their own rule-Their ideal man or their wanted quality. Though you might also be lucky to get them change this but believe me it has to worth their while forget about money in this context.

Money can never be prerequisite to love. Most time love is what all there is to it.
Though there is nothing wrong when a girl wants little money. But as long as she doesn't get comfortable with the habit.

Here are few point to note:
*Women want a man who knows what he want.
*Women need a man who have self confidence, a man who is more comfortable with himself..
*Women want a trustworthy man,honesty is the key.

*Women want a romantic guy who excite and intrigue them all the time.

*Women want a good looking,neat and attractive guy,he doesn't necessarily have to be handsome.
*Women want a hardworking guy.

*Women love an intelligent guy.

*Women appreciate a man who listen and communicate with them even if it is sweet nonsense they have to say.

*Women want commitment and attention,a man who attend to their emotion and sexual need.

*Women admire a man who respect and value them.

*Women love a man who doesn't take her for granted when flirting with other babes.This something men can't do without but if you do such don't ever let her get wind of it.

I want to burn my running shoes...

I have been running, yes but it wasn't intentionally, I was just scared. I'm scared of trying and failing again. I'm scared of empty promises that only bring anguish in the end. I'm scared of falling in love again and have it thrown back at me. But I really cant help thinking if I've been fair to those seeking my hands in relationship.


If I've been fair to Mr.A, who is arrogant, aggresive and doesn't respect a women.

Mr B. is just terrible bad player..I cant even touch him with a a ten-foot pole

Mr C, very single but he is not ready for commitment.

Mr D, is a doubting thomas, and he lacks confidence,he is not so sure, if he can cope with me,cos I'm just too learned,a carrier woman and just too strong as a woman and he is scared-I dont know how that is a crime.

Mr.E,he is the explorer, I cant promise you anything, but lets see what will happen as time goes on..Whatever that means, But while watching as times goes, my brother want sex oh..I guess we are seeing what will happen on that too.

Mr. F.. is funny, witty, but took me for granted, I like you, I want to be with you but he still want to date some other women and I need to understand that.(Hissed). And me I must be a man's number one priority and must have my dully respect.

Mr.G,who has a girlfriend, and he is attracted to me and he cant seems to get over me.

Mr.H,think is hot and I must jump into bed,with his sugar coated mouth and lousy open lines that men are attracted by your look or body and is when they feel the content that they will know,if they want to keep you- Crap, though attraction is important

Mr.I is very much insecure and think that I have too many male friends than females and he is scared.

Mr.J is a complete jerk, I wouldn't even want to ask myself what I'm doing with him.

Mr.K, think the key to dating a woman is to be domineering,if I must date, you have do what I want, you'll change ur phone numbers,email etc.

Mr.L, is a loser who doesnt know what he want

Mr.M, is a silly mummy's pet, my mum is dis..my mum is that. Aaaahhhhhhhhh

Mr.N is I just want company and NO string attached

Mr.O, is just overbearing

Mr.P,who is proud of himself and feel that life must rotates around him alone.

Mr.Q, is quick temper and is nasty for my liking

Mr.R is romantic,suave, and we connected together only to date for some months and his girlfriend suddenly come back out of no where. 

Mr.S,who I have knew for almost three years, and he has never even tell me what he really want from me...But anytime we meet,always make move for sex.

Mr.T,behave like a Teenager, just not mature for to be a man in my book,he is always afraid of me(as if I carry fire on my head). Everytime "I dont want you to be angry, I dont want to displease you).

Mr.U, want me to Understand he likes me, but he just want an acquitance.

Mr.V,is so far away, but want virtual relationship,God knows whether we'll ever meet.

Mr.W, is married and want somewhere where he's going to sow his WILD OATS

Mr.X, is eXremely cool but love switching off and on at will

Mr.Y, is your dream kind of guy but he like women like mad. and want you to understand,you are the only one.

Mr.Z's zeal for us to get marry as soon as possible,send me the creep.. I wonder what he knows about me to wanna do that.

Just where in the world,would I start from,I really wish I knew the way to a man's mind,It could help me in determining which of them is a sheep in wolves's skin.

And time is ticking, I watch has days turns into weeks and weeks into months and month dragged into... Yet nothing has been close enough to it for me.

So I kept on pondering if the problem is from me but I cant pin point,what it might be. Am I demanding too much? Thats a big NO. All I just want is love considerably.I always want to be the number one priority in a man's life and most of the time I ask myself if I have been fair with my expectation.

Am I too choosy?Many of my friend says that am too choosy but how will they have known? One of them said is because am pretty and working in abank(And so what?)that I wont settle for less. But he was far far wrong. I've dated a guy before who doesnt have a car and still stays with his parents.Because I like him,he is all I want in a guy but the snag is...He has a girlfriend before.Where am I getting at here.. I'm that kind of person who just want to date a guy because am comfortable with him and not what he is. All I just want is someone that will always be there. Not all women are gold diggers, there are other ways you can take care of your woman other than being financialy bouyant enough. There are women who doesnt give a hoot if you have a job or not, they just want a man who care and who is attentive to her needs.

Yes every women hold the believes of finding a good looking guy, witty, working class,gentle,madly in love with her etc, though we understand that is in the perfect world, in reality check is very rare to find such men. So we all make do with whatever we can get.
But I dont see why we cant be happy as much as we want, be love as we want to be loved, receive as much as we give.

We crave for a perfect boyfriend who actually wants to commit and have a long term relationship. But most men want the opposite, most men want to have sex, flings with a girl first before they even date her.Is so annoying that they only see us as a casual dating partner,how come their is no future in it for us?
I told one of my toasters one day that, come, I have known you for almost three years and since that time,we've both been single, how come things never work out between us? He said that I'm the cause,that I probably dont like him.

But I do like him, I just don't buy the way he wanted to go about the relationship,everytime he pressured for sex, ofcourse the answer is no!). This guy and I, have not really sat down one on one to talk about if we really wanted to date eachother.

Every guy want to have a taste of the pudding first before anything serious can come out.
My question is, is sex the yardstick for starting a relationship?
As for me.. I would have love to burn my running shoes here and now but I'll still be running till I can get a man without an attitude to motivate me in burning them.

The Fundamental Beauty of A Black Woman

The most beautiful thing on this planet is a black women. More praised than some false idol, more adored than a revolutionary hero, more cherished than an ancient relic. For she is the epitome of beauty. And ever so rarely we are privileged to lay eyes on the core of her beauty. You defined sexy. The standard by which all others are measured..A Black Woman, the element of spring
Black is truly beautiful
Balck is elegant
Black is pure
Black is Me
Big ups for every black, beautiful and bold women out there..

Do you guys ever get to think about the wants of a woman?

Do you know what it feels like when she cant afford to look decent..
In fact just plait her hair and not necessarily spend few thousand naira at the salon?

Do you know what it feels like when she cant afford to buy always pad for N100/tampax for her monthly circle?

Do you know what it feels like not being able to buy her panties or bra not to talk of buying a jean?

Do you know what it feels like when she is a student and she need to buy books and pay her sch fees?

Do you know what it feels like when she need attention of her man,she is not even ready to date men here and there,she just need just a guy and men start playing her about?

Do you know what it feels like when those married men never ever says the truth that they are married and only to find out when you expect them to take you to their house and it never happens?

D you know what it feels like,dating a guy for long time and expect him to pop up the question but he never did?

Do you know what it feels like to sacrifice one's time,attention and affection and you threw it back in our face?

Do you know what it feels like when she has absolutely anyone to help out?

Do you know what it feels like when she has no parents or they are just there parents?

Do you ever think about it MEN?

What do women really want?

A male friend of mine want me to ask we women what we really want? So shoot..
Guys re invited to say their mind out on this. I'm very much interested in knowing your opinion on it. Thank you.

Signs To Know When Women Cheat on Their Men?

I've been thinking on what to write since..And just as I have 101 things to write,is so sadden that I cant practically escape mentioning men...our almight men(LOL)..And after the scolding that I got on my article Beware of empty promises.I just had to find something to write about women... But just as I know that am looking for babes troubles..I dont wanna be term as been one-sided all the time..Is only left for the few good women out there to justify themselves.

However I cant just talk about this sign alone without talking on what basically causes women cheating on their men because if a comparison on women fidelity is made between the women of today and those of our mother's or grandmother's time, we can see that over the years the number of women who have cheated on their spouse has increased. Well, this isn't to say that women have grown to be less faithful over the years . 

So, why do woman cheat on their guy? Unlike men, women rarely cheat consciously. What I meant by consciously is that women don't usually actively go out and seek men to have an affair with. Well, there is still a small group that actively seeks men out but for the better part of women who have affairs, it just happened. These women are usually emotionally vulnerable when the affair starts; meaning that their own marriage is going through a rough patch. 

And in as much as I want to resist from saying is the men 's fault.I cant help it but says yeah they caused it.Some men barely pay attention to their women/girlfriend at home.Let alone satisfy her every needs. When I say needs, I do not mean money aspect of it.

Women love to feel loved,been care for and been totally sexually and emotionally balanced.They love to be respected and be confidently sure they hold a very special place in their men's heart. When all that is lacking. Some tend to get equipped with the next available men that is ready to fulfil their fantasies. 

However, we still have some women who are incorrigible. They are just insatiable.And only God can save us from such likes of women 'cos their is absolutely nothing one can do to satisfy or stop their cray-fishing about town.

So what are the tell tale signs that your woman is cheating on you? Honey, if you see your babe splurging on new lingerie and she suddenly start giving you excuses, you'd better start paying attention to what she does and where she goes. If she goes all out and bust your spending your money on new clothes, facials, slimming program and new hairdo, all the more reason for you to check up on your little lady. Chances are she's in 'love' and you are not the object of her affection. 

Women in general love to talk, so if your spouse suddenly stops confiding in you or seeking your advice and opinion, she's most likely getting it from somewhere else. Unlike men, women thrive on emotional support, if she feels that she is not getting it from you or feels that you have lost interest in her, it is only a matter of time before she strays and start cheating behind your back. 

If your woman starts going out frequently for long hours telling you that she is attending to a sick friend, watch out! Her 'sick friend' may not be sick but sure as hell is getting a lot of TLC from yours truly. Or she takes 5 hours to do grocery shopping instead of the usual 1 hours - another sign of a cheating woman. 

How to catch a cheating wife? A good way to start will be your wedding ring. The prominent object that would very likely be missing on cheating wives is their wedding ring. Well, you can't blame them now, can you… you wouldn't want to walk around advertising your marital status when you stray, rite? Naturally, the 'ring' would have to be missing! 

Hey, if you come home one day to find a hot stud in your house whom your wife calls her personal trainer… you can bet your last kobo that he's doing a lot more than just training your wife. 

If you see this pattern in your marriage or relationship, start working very hard to salvage your marriage/relationship. All the hard work will not go to waste as a loving relationship is very fulfilling and helps you through rough times while a destructive relationship is bad for the health.