Advice- My Husband is having an affair.

I need someone to talk to right now and your thought came to mind. I'm a 38 years old woman,married with two kids,a boy and a girl,age sixteen and 10 respective. I've been married for 7 years. My problem now is that my husband is having an affair with a young lady of 30years old. And he is basking in it.

I really don't know how it happened but the spark is gone with my marriage and all effort to revive is not yielding any effort. My husband is 45years and run his own Petroleum Company Business. He used to be a very loving man when we are not yet married. We started out as friends,so we so very fond of each other.So when the time come for more commitment. We didn't bat an eye lid. We got married.

I have been one of those women that is hardworking,decent,beautiful,lively and romantic. I take good care of my husband. And I don't let my work get in between us. I don't keep too much friends. Ours was a very peaceful family.Before this problem started. I'm always there for my husband's needs both physically and emotionally. Ours was a very beautiful union. I respect my husband and adore him. 

The geneses of our problem started when I found out that he has a mistress outside of matrimonial home. He even rented an apartment for her. And spend most of his time with this lady. They've been dating for almost three years before I got wind of the affair. And I didn't suspect him for one day cos I so much trust him and never believe he will do something like that. And being such a very hardworking man and the nature of his business has never made me suspected anything until I he traveled out of the country and forget his mobile behind while trying to charge it for his departure.

Our was a no-pry affairs. I've never check out his phone. There was never a need for that because I respect his freedom,so I never preyed and like I always says one only see what one is looking for by preying.

On that faithful day. After he has left for the airport. A message came in which jolted my attention to the fact that he has forgotten his phone. Hitherto he has discourage me from accompanying him to the airport because I was just recuperating from malaria. And me not having any other thought. I shrugged it off that he is just being a good husband.

I had only wanted to get my car keys and run after him when the message preview hit me.
Ronke"Sugarpie I've been in the airport for the past 30min.What...."
All adrenalin rushed to my face and I couldn't help but finished Reading the message.
"What is happening,why re u taking so long. Leave the old hag and come to your Little pumpkin boo. We are due to board in next one hour.Lv ur baby"

I scrolled out for more text message from the same name. But my nerve could not read them. What more could I possibly be looking for? My world became shattered almost immediately and I was mad with fury. Still I made a move for the car keys and made for the door when he came in.
I told him I was just coming after him to give him the phone and He said thanks,hurriedly placed a peck on my cheeks and quickly dashed out again. That day I cried and wondered why he why he was seeing someone. We didn't get to talk about it and even after he knew that I have read that particular message and probably more. He switched and become distant.

I was even afraid to brush the topic up. Because I was just afraid of what will happened. He spend more time outside our matrimonial home and he sleep out more. Yet I didn't say anything. 

He doesn't care anymore. Everything has change. He doesn't eat at home regularly,he gives me excuse when I call out to me i the night to make love to me that he is tired,lets do it tomorrow etc. He became so cold. Even my daughter asked me the other day what is happening between you and Dad mum? And I just told her nothing. She said " But he is not always there,Mummy something is wrong? But I just told her that Daddy is probably going through a lot of stress at work. That things will be fine soon.

So one day I finally resolved to have a talk with him. So in the night when we retired to bed. I asked him about what is happening to us? He said about what? And suddenly he sprang out of the bed and started shouting at me. "Nothing is wrong.Nothing is wrong.And if you wont let me sleep peacefully. I will go to the guest room. And walked out of the room. That night I cried till day break. So many riot of questions on my mind. And I kept asking myself what I've done wrong. What is happening to me?
But a voice in me kept telling me that is about him but the man in him that is the problem.

The following morning. I greeted him with a hug from the back when I came in from the kitchen and saw him in the room picking some clothings in the wardrobe. But he just removed my hand from the embrace. That night he didn't come home. And didn't pick his call when I called him to know of his where about.

Some days later. Things got a lot better. I was trying to give him a hug when he came him from work one evening, when he just waved me off and went inside the room with the children behind me. I was so disappoint that I marched after him.

And I told him when I entered the room.
"At least be nice in front of the kid" It must have been guilt that touched him and he saw tears coming out of my face.
He looked at me intently as he strode towards. He held my hand kissed me softly on my mouth.
"Why are you doing this to me?, what is wrong?." I asked in between sobs.
"I'm sorry". He begged.
"What is it that am not doing right" ..." I mumbled and he kissed me again.
"No baby. There is nothing wrong; We’re just fine honey. I love you.”

That night we made love and things almost started changing for the better. He stayed at home more,play with the kids and even eat dinner and breakfast with us.

I was happy again though every time I wanted to ask him about the other woman. But I was that the peaceful atmosphere in our home has been restored. So I just pretend nothing happened.

Then one day, a friend of the family paid me a visit. And she told me he saw my husband at a naming ceremony the other day and I was like it must really be a naming ceremony of someone i don't know because he didn't mention it. But she cut me short.

"Seems you don't get me, your husband was the new born baby's father". She dropped the bomb shelled.

"You must be kidding me,my husband will never do that". I told her

"I'm sorry but that's really the truth Kofo, you can ask him,even tell him that I said so". She said confidently and my world collapse almost immediately because she is not someone who will just come out of no where to tell a lie about my husband. And she continue to tell me more about the lady in question.

"Her name is Ronke,she had the baby in the states. And they have been dating for awhile now,says three years".

"I know". I interjected

"You knew? And what did you do about it". She asked surprisingly but I offered no response

"And you let it generated to this?". 

To cut the long story short, my husband did not come home for a week and when he did. He has resumed back to switching off and on mode. And when I tried raising the topic,he shouted at me,that I shouldn't even go there. We have resumed living like a stranger again.

I'm loosing it. I can't keep on like this. I'm not happy at all. I don't even know what to think again. I have always been a good wife to him and a good mother to our kids. We've never had any argument prior to this. I'm afraid I don't know how to manage this.But I can't keep bear it anymore. What do I do. Someone should please advice..

PS: This seems to be my first major advice article on this blog. It was sent to me anonymously by one of my blog's lover.Please lets make it count for my anonymous troubled friend. Thanks